The Five Stages of Grief Reversed by Leah C
by Karisan-karisan
Summary: After accepting she's in love with her Alpha, Leah has now to face the Council and the whole Reservation while going through the five stages of grief, all because of Jacob. But is it worth it when Jacob already has his imprint?
1. Recovery

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately she gave Leah and Jake the worst ending ever.

Author/Note: I thought about writing the story _The five stages of Grief_ in Leah's POV, but then it would be too boring. So I ended up writing a small sequel. It will start when Leah arrives from Maryland after breaking up with Aaron.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not too explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief [Reversed] by Leah Clearwater**

_**Recovery**_

I pulled over and stepped out of my car. I was in La Push finally. The sun was long gone from the sky and I checked my cell phone. He hadn't called me after I texted him a few hours ago. I sighed and took my bags out of the trunk. I hadn't told anyone but him about my arrival. My mother and Seth would be surprised to see me and they would be even more surprised when I told them about my plans for the future which would certainly include a relationship with my alpha.

I wasn't expecting to find the house empty. I texted Seth immediately to see if he was alright but I didn't tell him I was home because I wanted it to be a surprise. Seth answered back quickly. They were both fine and having dinner at Charlie's. I knew that sooner or later my mum would have to tell us about her and Charlie but we weren't kids anymore and we weren't blind either. We knew they were together for a while now. It had bothered me at first but not anymore. How could I criticise my mother for dating Charlie Sawn when I was constantly thinking about jumping Jacob Black?

I dragged myself upstairs wondering if I should just call him to meet me but then I recognised the smell. He was waiting for me like he had promised. He was there.

I opened my bedroom door quietly and there he was. The lights were off but we could see perfectly in the dark. He got up from the bed and held me in his arms for a couple of minutes making my heart skip several beats.

I knew immediately that I had made the right decision by breaking up with Aaron because I felt that I belonged in Jacob's arms. It was really funny how things had turned out. I never thought I could fall in love with someone like him. He was still so young and childish and yet when I was with him I felt safe and whole.

"You're here…" he said in a husky voice.

"I am."

"I missed you."

It was truly amazing how those simple words made my whole body shiver and my heart start beating erratically.

I was about to tell him what had happened in Maryland and how I had told Aaron about my true feelings when I felt his finger pressed on my lips.

"Not now Leah." he whispered and then his soft lips were on mine, demanding and desperate. I allowed him to control the moment but I knew I was walking on a dangerous path. He was too young and I still wanted to see if our feelings for each other were genuine. The problem was that my body was moving along with his in a way that I never felt before.

When I opened my eyes again he was pinning me against the bedroom's door and my legs were around his waist. His mouth had left mine and his lips were planting soft and long kisses on my neck. I had no idea why I was giving him all that access to my body when I had previously thought about not rushing things.

"Jake…" my voice was weak and I felt a grin forming on his lips.

"What?"

"We should wait…" my words didn't meet my actions because I kept holding him too close and our breathing was still hard to control. He looked deep into my eyes and started to pull away but I put my arms around his neck and he didn't need more to continue what we had started.

I felt my back against the wood door again and I realised we would break it if we kept going on like that.

"Bed…now!" I ordered. He supported my weight and took us to the bed. His shirt came off first. I needed to feel his skin. He was on fire just like me.

While he was busy trying to free me from my clothes a small part of my brain was yelling at me to stop that nonsense. Jacob was amongst many other things, illegal. He was seventeen years old. We had been raised together. My little brother looked up to him since I could remember. Jacob was supposed to be just a friend. When did he become so much more?

I didn't know and right now I didn't care. All I cared were his hands exploring my almost naked body and his lips devouring mine.

"Jake…what about Nessie?" the stupid part of my brain was trying to come forward.

"She's not here." he said raising his head from my stomach.

"You were right about Aaron. I would never be happy with him…but…maybe we should wait to see if this thing between us can actually work out."

He stood quiet for a minute probably considering the options.

"I love you Leah. I'll do whatever you want me to."

How did he know exactly what to say?

"If my age bothers you…I guess we can wait…" he added.

The fact that he was willing to wait a few more months made me realise that I was being stupid. He would still be the same after he turned eighteen so I cupped his face and pulled him up to meet my eyes. I wanted him to see that I was ready. I wanted him so badly that it was hurting.

He kissed me fiercely making his hands go down my sides stopping only on my thighs. He was so hot that I could almost taste fire while his lips were everywhere on my skin. My fingernails were buried on his back but he wasn't complaining besides, the wounds would heal rapidly.

I moaned his name and that fuelled his actions. I felt his body pressed against mine and I was sure he was ready to cross the border between teasing and making me his. But surprisingly he stopped when his hands reached my bra. I could hear his heart beating as fast as an athlete running the marathon. He was nervous and that was really sweet.

"I…never did this before." he whispered in my ear. I had my eyes closed but I could picture him blushing.

I opened my eyes and flipped us over. Now I was in charge. I lowered my body to his and I planted small kisses on his chest. He murmured my name and I felt happy to know that I was the one making him feel that way. I discarded my underwear and he took a few seconds watching my body. There was no time to feel shy or exposed because I needed him the same way he needed me.

When his cut-offs fell on the floor I shivered in anticipation. He really was gifted. We'd been waiting for too long and even though we both knew that we were rushing things we couldn't stop it. It started slowly and steady. I was guiding him but he didn't allow me to stay in control for much longer so he quickly flipped us over. I fitted perfectly under his body. Jake was supporting his own weight with his elbows while kissing me hungrily, our bodies moving in sync and covered in sweat. It was hard to believe this was actually his first time.

I had no idea how much time it went by since we started making love but I new I didn't want it to end. It felt so right that I couldn't believe it had took me so much time to understand he was the one. Every touch, every kiss, every move he made was driving me insane. And considering the times he had already moaned my name I was pretty sure I was doing the same to him.

I had never quite realised what Jacob meant when he had told me that our relationship was more than just physical attraction until now. When our bodies became one I could feel him entirely. His essence…everything…and I knew now that I was completely in love with him. I could feel, see, hear, taste, touch and smell him everywhere.

When we reached the edge I could hardly breathe. I couldn't tell him that no one had made me feel that way before because he would probably think I was lying and trying to make him feel good so I kept my mouth shut. He was also trying to catch his breath, panting heavily on top of me. Then he slowly rolled to my left side and I felt immediately cold. Sensing this he pulled me closer to him putting one arm around my waist and he covered us with the sheets.

I rested my head over his muscled chest allowing myself to feel totally content with what had just happened. He had exceeded all my expectations.

"I'm sorry." he whispered in my ear.

"What for?" I asked surprised.

"For how things turned out. I never meant to pressure you like this."

Him pressuring me? God…As if I hadn't been more than happy to give in to the pressure.

"Are you complaining Black? 'Cause I didn't hear you complain a few minutes ago." I teased.

He laughed and pulled my body closer to his, if that was actually possible.

"I'm not complaining." he confessed kissing my shoulder.

"No regrets then?"

"Nope. You?"

"I can't believe you asked that."

"Sorry."

"Stop apologising you idiot." I punched his arm softly.

He kissed my nose, my cheek and then my lips and I couldn't help myself. I answered back fiercely just like a few moments ago when we were tangled on the white sheets waiting to regain our normal breathing. I couldn't get enough of his touch and his smell.

"Aren't you going to ask me how it went?" I inquired pushing him back slowly. I didn't know if I could actually take a round two.

"All that matters to me is that you came back. You're here."

I frowned pretending to be hurt by his lack of interest on my two days trip to Maryland. I knew he probably didn't want to hear Aaron's name ever again.

"He wasn't surprised at all. He said he knew he'd lose me sooner or later. I felt bad for him. I should've told him sooner that I was having feelings for you too."

I felt bad for Aaron. He had been an innocent victim in this story but I was happy that it was Jacob lying down in my bed with me.

"You shouldn't feel guilty." he said in a serious tone.

"I don't feel guilty Jake. I just feel sorry for him. He didn't deserve that."

"It was inevitable." he muttered.

"I know."

"I always knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms." he teased me.

"Shut up Black! You're just lucky my mum and Seth are having dinner with Charlie Swan."

"I think they're the lucky ones. I don't think they would appreciate hearing our…"

I kissed his lips preventing him to continue the sentence. It was embarrassing to talk about how loud we had screamed each other's names while making love.

"Do you realise I can go to jail because of you?" I asked with a grin.

"Come on Leah…you said you didn't care I was younger. I'll be eighteen in a couple of months."

"You're still illegal…I have to stay away from Charlie, just in case…"

We both laughed.

"Seriously Leah…how was I? I mean…it was my first time…"

Did he really have to ask that? I sighed and sat up in the bed holding the sheets around my body.

"Boys and their ego…It's always about competition. If you ask me if yours' bigger than Sam's I'm going to murder you Black!" I threatened him.

He pulled me down and I fell on top of him, then I cupped his face and kissed him softly. I loved his childish behaviour.

"In a scale of one to twenty?" he insisted.

"Humm…You're a seventeen and a half. Are you happy now?" I was lying. He had been a solid twenty but I couldn't tell him the truth. That would make him too proud of himself. He would never stop bragging about it.

"I'm starving." he complained. "Can you go get me something to eat?"

Was he kidding me?

"I'm not your fucking maid! What the hell!" I moved away from his embrace and I poked him on the chest.

"It was a joke Leah." he confessed in surrender.

I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"You're an asshole."

"Yeah…but you love me."

I couldn't help but smile. Then I decided I should get up.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To have a shower. When Seth gets here I can't smell like you, can I?"

He frowned.

"Stop sulking. If you're hungry just go downstairs and get something to eat."

I picked up a few clothes and left to the bathroom. I couldn't stop thinking about him, us. We were together. I was still shitless scared that he could go back to Nessie in the future but I wanted to try. He wasn't Sam.

I returned to the room a few minutes later and he was watching the ceiling with a dreamy look on his face.

"Jake…I can still smell you in me." I said. He stared at me and shrugged. "Seth's going to notice."

"Maybe we should tell them. I mean they will find out eventually."

"That's an awesome suggestion Jacob. Seth will kill you right there."

"They'll understand."

"Do you really know Seth?"

"Sure."

"I don't think so."

"I didn't take advantage on you. I'm sure he'll see that."

"Maybe. After he _kills_ you. There's something you need to learn about my brother Jacob. He will kill you if he thinks you're going to hurt me."

"In that case, you just need to tell him that you love me too."

I don't think Seth would actually fall for that.

"You're insane. Alpha or not, Seth won't let this go easily."

"Okay…fine. We do it your way. What's your brilliant plan then?"

I didn't have one. Great.

"I think you shouldn't be here when they arrive. I'll prepare them and then tomorrow we can sort things out, okay?" that was the best I could do.

"No."

"What?"

"I said no."

"I know that. I want to know why you said no…"

"When you came back with Aaron you didn't warn anyone you had a boyfriend. I had to watch you two together while my insides were twisting at the sight of you with another guy. You didn't care about our opinion, did you?"

"You lost me Jake…I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Why can't you do the same with me?"

"Do what?"

"Why can't you just tell your mother and brother that we're together? Are you having regrets? Are you afraid of what they'll think?"

"No. I'm not having regrets." now he was acting like a jerk.

"Good, because you once told me you didn't want to be a replacement. And I don't want to be a secret. From now on it's you and me."

He wanted us to go public. He wanted everyone to know I was with him. I couldn't go against him because I wanted everyone to know that we were together too.

"Okay…if this is really what you want…we'll tell them tonight." I gave in. It would be his funeral, not mine.

He got up quickly and put his strong arms around my waist, inhaling my hair. We remained like that for a couple of minutes until we heard a car pulling over.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Always." he said. He finished dressing up and then we left my room.


	2. Acceptance

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately she gave Leah and Jake the worst ending ever.

Author/Note: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed.

Jacobleah, brankel1 and Kei Kat Jones, thank you very much.

This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not too explicit).

I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

**The five stages of Grief [Reversed] by Leah Clearwater**

_**1. Acceptance**_

My mother and Seth had just closed the door when they spotted us. They hugged me and started to talk at the same time. It was obvious that they were happy to see me I just didn't know for how long they would remain that happy. I was totally aware that they were going to be shocked with the news we had.

My mother waited until Seth finished telling me that Charlie had been showing him how to shoot with a real gun, which was something that my brother always wanted to learn because he always liked to hunt with my father and his friends.

"Is everything alright? Weren't you supposed to be in Maryland?" my mother asked with her brows up.

"Yes, I was…but…"

"Mum, Leah just got here…" Seth whined trying to support me. I guess he really missed me while I was in Seattle and he didn't like the idea of me being so far away from them. I was just about to grant him that wish because I was staying.

"The thing is…I'm here to stay." I announced with half a smile and feeling suddenly nervous about their reaction.

"Really?" Seth asked.

I nodded.

"Aaron and I broke up."

My mother covered her mouth with her hands.

"That little motherfu…"

"Seth Clearwater for your own sake _do not_ finish that sentence." my mother recovered quickly and put her arms around me in a hug. "It's ok honey…You'll be fine. He just doesn't know what he's missing."

"Did he cheat on you? We can go kick his ass if you want to…right Jake?"

My eyes met Jacob's and I noted he was nervous although he did manage to smile at Seth.

"Actually I was the one who wanted to break up with him." I confessed.

"Why?" my mother asked surprised. "You were so happy."

It was obvious that my mum had been oblivious to everything that was going on between me and Jacob. She had no idea that if they had gotten home a few minutes earlier they would know exactly why I had come back and why I was staying in La Push.

"I wasn't happy and I didn't love Aaron as much as I thought. So…can I stay here?" I asked trying to create a good family mood to tell the news.

"Of course you can. Although I thought you two made a great couple I do like to have you back home with us…your family…"

"And Jake." I finished. My mum looked at me surprised to hear Jacob's name. Usually I would say "the pack" but I had only mentioned Jacob.

"No, no, no, no…" Seth said suddenly. His eyes were now focused on Jacob.

"What's wrong Seth?" my mother asked.

"No. You did not have the right to do this Jake." Seth said visibly disturbed. He walked towards Jacob and sniffed around him.

"Seth…I can explain." Jacob said calmly. But it was useless. My brother was out of control now and in a second he had Jacob pinned against the wall. His hand was around Jacob's neck and I realised he was close to phasing.

"Seth!" I reached him. "It's not what you think. Please calm down." I was lying and Seth knew it. He could smell us. He knew exactly what we had been doing and he didn't have any intention of releasing Jacob anytime soon.

"Seth! What are you doing?" my mother asked confused with my brother's hostility towards Jacob.

"How could you? She's my sister! I'm going to kill you!"

I had never seen Seth so upset in my life. Seth was a good kid and he had never raised one hand to anyone much less his own idol, his alpha. I felt grateful to have him as my brother but right now I was worried that he could kill us all right there.

"Let me go Seth. Now!" I could recognise that tone anywhere. That was an alpha command. Seth removed his hand from Jacob's neck but he kept shaking. "Don't you dare to phase here. You can hurt your sister and your mother."

God if we weren't in that crappy situation Jacob's authority would've really turned me on but right now I was more preoccupied with my brother's attitude.

"You asshole! You gave me an alpha command. Again…" he complained.

"Sorry. You gave me no choice. I was just trying to protect your mother and Leah."

"You're a backstabbing son of a…"

"Seth!" my mother cut him off. "Watch your mouth young man."

We all looked at her.

"Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on here?" she asked crossing her arms over her chest.

Seth gave Jacob an intense glare and clenched his fists. I sincerely hoped he wouldn't open his mouth and tell our mother I had slept with Jacob. My only chance to put things right was to be honest and tell her everything myself.

"I'm with Jake now." I said bluntly. Seth's glare turned to me and my mother gave a small smile.

"I know honey. He's the alpha and I'm sure he'll take you back as his beta…"

"No mum. I'm in love with Jacob. We're together." I cut her off.

She was speechless. I saw her eyes scanning me first, then Seth and finally Jacob.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"I said Jacob and I are together."

She walked towards us and faced Jacob directly. I could've sworn her eyes were glowing red when she looked at him.

"I really love your daughter Sue…"

My mother slapped him as hard as she could. He didn't even flinch.

"You take that back." she ordered rubbing the hand that hit Jacob's face. At least it didn't seem to be broken.

"No. I love Leah. I'm not taking anything back."

"You are not doing this to my daughter Jacob. Not when you know what she's been through with Sam and Emily. My Leah suffered enough. She's not going to put up with a selfish and hormonal teenager who's just tired of waiting his imprint to grow up."

I flinched slightly when I heard those words. I believed Jake when he said he loved me and I knew he was being honest but there was still a possibility that he was just using me to replace Nessie. She was a child and he clearly needed something more.

"I'm sorry that you think that way Sue." he said.

"You're a traitor Jacob." my brother said. "You said you wanted to protect my sister, to help her to be happy…"

"I'm not a traitor. I fell in love with her. I even let Nessie go. What more do you want me to do?"

"Can you actually promise her that you'll never love Nessie?" my mother asked.

"But I do love Nessie. It's just different."

"What about the future?" she insisted.

"I don't know about the future. I just know that I want to be with Leah forever."

"Wolves imprint for a reason Jacob."

"Well my imprint doesn't need me anymore Sue. She asked me to let her go and I did. We both know exactly what we want. She wants to be with her family and go to other places and I want Leah. It's as simple as that."

"You can't Jacob. I can't let you hurt my daughter like that again."

My mother turned her back on us and opened the door.

"Leave my sister alone. If you get near her again I'll ask Charlie one of his guns and I'll practice my shooting with your head." Seth threatened.

"Go home Jacob. We'll talk tomorrow." I told him.

He sighed defeated and I walked him to the door.

"I'm sorry." he whispered when he stepped out of our house.

I bit my tongue to avoid telling him "I told you so" but he got the point. He took my hand softly when he was leaving and was about to kiss my lips when my brother growled in the living room.

"Did he growl at me?" Jacob asked.

I shrugged.

"He did, didn't he? That little piece of…"

"Jake…he's my brother."

"Brother not father. He can't stop me from kissing you…"

"Actually I can. Leave my house now Jake!" Seth was already beside me and he was quite frightening to tell the truth. When did he become like this? I'd been gone for a year and Seth was still the same but he was also a different person at the same time.

"Or what?" Jake challenged.

"Or I'm going to kick your ass." Seth moved forward but I put myself between them.

"Stop! Go home Jake. Please."

He stepped back but he always kept his eyes on us. He smiled at me before disappearing into the woods.

Calmly Seth and I went back to the living room where my mother was sitting down on the couch with an angry look on her face. I knew I was in troubles.

"Wasn't Sam enough?" she asked.

"This is different. Jacob's not Sam."

"For crying out loud Leah. Do you remember the sleepless nights? You cried your eyes out for weeks, you didn't eat, you didn't drink, you didn't get out of your bedroom…we almost thought we were going to lose you…" Seth was about to go on a rampage again.

"I know that Seth…This wasn't easy for me either." I said softly so he would calm down.

"He's our alpha. He has an imprint and he will leave you just like Sam did. I'm not going to sit around while you ruin your life again." he continued. He was worried about me and I felt grateful for that.

"Your brother has a point. Besides you can't possibly be in love with Jacob. He's like your brother…"

"But he's not."

"You were raised together." my mum reminded me.

"I don't know why or how this happened either. I just…when I got back from Seattle and I saw him…something changed. I tried to fight against this but I couldn't. I know it's wrong. I know he imprinted on Nessie and I know he can leave me but I'm in love with him. I really am."

"You're confused." my mother said taking my hands in hers. "You're just confused…let's just go to sleep and tomorrow you'll see things differently."

Seth kissed my forehead and left right after my mum. I walked quietly and watched the crack on the wall made by Jacob's body impact when Seth attacked him. That wasn't a good start for a relationship. My mother and brother didn't approve. In my bedroom I realised that my mother was wrong. I wouldn't see things differently in the morning, not when I could remember ever single moment of Jacob and I making love in the same bed I was laying right now. It felt so right that it was scaring.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I didn't regret breaking up with Aaron. I was in love with Jacob and I couldn't be with Aaron when I knew that he wouldn't make me happy. I couldn't lie to him and pretend that everything was fine.

But I knew things were going too fast for us to handle. I had just arrived from a sad break up and I had already given myself to Jacob. I should've waited. Even if making love to him was completely amazing, I should've waited a couple of weeks. I knew Jake wasn't the type of guy who likes to play around and keep big secrets. I knew he would pressure me into agreeing on coming public. But I should've known better and now we were in big troubles.

xxxxxxxxxx

Seth was preparing our breakfast when I got to the kitchen the next morning. I noticed that there were only two plates on the table.

"Where's mum?" I asked taking a toast from my plate.

"Out."

"With Charlie?"

Seth shrugged and I knew he was trying to hide something from me. He was my brother and I knew him since the day he was born. Did he actually think he could lie to me like that?

"Seth…Just spit it out." I ordered getting up. I was not in the mood for that crap. Not after last night.

"She went to see Billy."

"Why?"

"Because he called."

"He called? Why?"

"I don't know."

My heart stopped for a few seconds. Was Jacob okay? What the hell was happening?

"Just tell me the truth Seth!" I raised my voice. Seth looked at me and met my glare. I had never realised he was immune to my glares until now. It had probably something to do with the fact that we were biological brothers.

"They're deciding what to do about you and Jacob…and all this nonsense about being together."

"What the hell! They can't do that! It's our lives…" I started searching for the car keys when Seth grabbed my shoulders making me face him.

"Stop Leah. Just let mum deal with this."

"Deal with what?"

"Your stupidity!" he fumed. "I can't believe you did something as stupid as sleep with your alpha! Do you have any idea of the consequences?"

"This is my life Seth. You're not dad."

"I'm trying to help you."

"Help? No offense Seth but your help sucks. I actually thought you would be pleased that I forgot all about Sam and moved on."

"And I was. I was happy for you and Aaron because he was the best chance that you had to be happy. He wouldn't hurt you…not like Jacob will." again I felt my brother's concern but they were wrong about Jacob.

"Give me the fucking keys." I yelled at him.

"No."

"Seth Harrison Clearwater…Give me the car keys or I'll phase. Either way I'll go to Billy's house so…"

Seth took the keys from his pocket and grabbed my wrist pulling me along with him. He took me to the car and drove us to Billy Black's house.

"I should've killed him last night." he mumbled to himself. "That arrogant bastard. He thinks he can do whatever he wants just because he's the alpha."

"Seth. Stop that. This is not Jacob's fault. If you want someone to blame, blame me. I could've stayed in Maryland with Aaron and have a normal life but I chose to come back."

"Why? Why did you choose to come home?"

"Because I belong here and I love him not Aaron. I couldn't look Aaron every day and lie to him. I had to make a choice."

"Why do you love Jacob? From all of the guys…why him?"

I knew why Seth was asking me that. He was also angry because this whole mess had affected his friendship with Jacob. All of the sudden I felt guilty. Jacob and Seth were close friends, almost like real brothers and I was in the middle.

"I don't know that Seth. All I know is that I feel free and happy when I'm with Jacob. I feel that my life has a purpose and I can be myself. I don't have to hide or to pretend…"

My brother looked at me with a serious expression and then we arrived. I didn't know what I was going to find after I passed through the door but I wasn't expecting to find my mother and Billy having a nice chat drinking coffee.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked.

"What are you two doing here?" my mother got up and glared at my brother. "You were supposed to keep her home."

Seth kept quiet.

"Leah…last night Jacob told me you two are planning on starting a relationship." Billy said calmly.

I nodded in agreement. This was so awkward. I really didn't want to do this without Jacob there.

"Sue told me you're staying in La Push and you even broke up with your boyfriend."

"Just get to the point Billy." I asked impatiently.

"I understand your feelings towards each other. You know Jacob since he was born. Harry and I liked the way you and Seth get along with Rachel, Rebecca and Jake. I love you like a daughter and I need you to understand that I'm not trying to be against you…I'm trying to save you and my son from a lot of pain."

Billy Black had always been good with words and that made me feel nervous about what he was going to say next.

"You and Jacob went through a similar situation. He was rejected by Bella and Sam left you after imprinting on Emily. You've became close because you were constantly in each other's minds and you could relate with each other's pain. Jacob trusted you enough to make you his beta and he tried to be your friend when no one else wanted you around. What you feel for him is gratitude and sympathy. After what Sam did to you I don't actually believe you can fall in love with another wolf, especially when he has an imprint already."

"You don't know anything about my feelings Billy." I stated coldly.

"I know that you want to feel loved Leah…but Jacob is not the right person for you. He is the rightful alpha and he needs to be with his imprint. He needs to pass the wolf gene to the next generation."

"You're insane! Do you even listen to yourself? You're expecting a seventeen year old boy to wait for a half vampire girl to grow up and have children together! You're wrong if you actually think she's the right woman for Jacob. She's not! She's Bella and Edward's daughter…she's a hybrid for crying out loud!"

"She's his imprint. She'll have Jake's children and you need to accept that Leah. You can't give that to him…I'm sorry…I really am."

I saw pity in Billy's eyes. I knew he didn't want to hurt me but those words felt like a knife being pushed into my back. He was just reminding me how useless I was as a woman. I couldn't have children, so I wasn't good enough for his son. Jake was supposed to be a leader and had to pass on the gene. I was just a freak among freaks.

"If things were different…I would have loved to see you and Jake together. I'm sorry Leah but you need to let Jacob do his job properly. He probably doesn't even love you. He's just attracted to you."

"What if I could have children? Would you accept us then?"

"My son has to be responsible. He needs to be loyal to his family, his pack and his imprint. You know that the imprint pull is too strong. You and Jacob can't be together."

"You're a hypocrite Billy." I spat. "You're willing to sacrifice your son's happiness for what? Mutant grandchildren? Jacob never wanted to be a wolf and neither did I…"

I walked towards Jacob's room and opened the door. The bed was empty but he had slept there.

"Where is he?" I asked again.

I was about to ask again when Rachel came in. She was in panic.

"They're going to kill each other!" she yelled. "Sam and Jake phased and they're fighting in the forest."

"Oh my God." my mother said. "We should've never called Sam."

I didn't know what was going on but I couldn't let Sam hurt Jacob.

"Seth let's go!"

He moved and placed himself by the door preventing me to leave.

"What are you doing? We need to help Jacob."

"He doesn't need our help."

I was dumbfounded with his sudden attitude. I knew he was angry with Jacob but I never thought he would refuse to help him in a situation like this.

"Where's Paul?" Billy asked.

"Trying to stop them. But he's not having much success. They're too strong."

"Call the others." Billy told her.

Rachel went to phone immediately and I heard her talking to Jared, Brady and Collin. I knew they would join Paul soon. I grabbed my phone and dialled Embry's number. I explained briefly what was happening and asked him to bring Quil as well.

"Where are they Rachel?" I asked.

I was about to follow her outside when Seth grabbed my wrist.

"Don't make me hit you Seth."

He let go but he followed us.

"That way." Rachel pointed to the woods.

That moment two wolves passed us by and I recognised Embry and Quil.

"I'll go help him if you go home with mum." Seth said.

"I'm going with you."

"You're going to make things worse. By now Sam already knows what happened between you and Jake. He's probably pissed off as hell. If you go there to help Jacob he'll probably go crazy and he can try to kill Jake or even you."

"Seth's right. Go home and wait there." Billy said.

"What the hell is going on? What happened between Leah and Jake?" Rachel asked.

I rolled my eyes. She didn't know yet. Great. But I didn't want to be the one to tell her. No way.

Seth phased and left running. I didn't want to go home but knowing Sam and Jacob I knew I could make things a lot worse if I stayed there so my mother and I went back home.

She kept looking at me as if I was some kind of criminal.

"Why did you call Sam?" I asked when she pulled over at our house.

"We thought he could put some sense into Jake's head. They were supposed to talk not kill each other."

"Sam may not love me anymore but he still thinks he owns me. Do you honestly think they'll tolerate each other?"

"Yes, because they need to start acting like adults."

"I slept with Jacob." I announced looking straight into my mother's shocked face.

"What?"

"That's why they're fighting mum. Sam is an idiot and Jacob wants to show him that we're together."

"How could you?"

"I've been telling you that since forever mum. I'm in love with him."

"He's still a kid!"

"You said he's an adult."

"This is exactly why you need to stop this nonsense. You and Jacob can't be together. There'll be fights between all of you. Embry and Quil will feel disconnected from your pack, your brother will never forgive Jacob, and Sam's pack will never accept this."

"You're just like Billy." I got out of the car and she followed me close behind trying to convince me that my relationship with Jacob would turn into a nightmare.

I locked myself in my bedroom and tried to occupy my mind with other stuff. Since I had nothing to do I started unpacking. Half an hour later Seth arrived and I met him in the kitchen. I scanned his body searching for injuries but he was alright.

"What happened? How's Jacob?" I asked ignoring my mother's cold glance.

"Healing." Seth said. "He's such a moron. He actually got all worked up because Sam said you're using him."

"What? That selfish son of a…"

"Leah." my mother's voice made me stop cursing.

"Sam thinks you're using Jacob to make him jealous."

"Seriously? How demented is he?"

Seth shrugged.

"So is everyone alright?" my mother asked.

"Yes."

"Good. I'm going to clean the living room. Can you help me Leah?"

I knew what she was doing. She wanted me to stay at home instead of running off into Jacob's arms now that he was home and healing. I thought for a while and I decided to play along. It wouldn't be smart to antagonise her right now.

"Sure. What do you need me to do?"

xxxxxxxxxx

I felt like a prisoner in my own house. I was in house arrest for three days already and my mother was really planning on never letting me out to see or speak to Jake. It was actually a good thing that I kept my cell phone hidden in my bedroom otherwise she would've confiscated it too.

She hadn't met with Charlie for the last three days because she wanted to keep an eye on me. Whenever she needed to leave the house she would call Seth to stay with me. They were doing everything behind my back and probably thought I didn't have any ways to contact Jacob, but we'd been texting each other frequently. I knew he was in the same situation.

Quil and Embry had been around talking to Seth and whispering things about what was going on. By the look on their faces I knew they weren't pleased with me or Jacob. But I didn't care.

After lunch my mother got a call from Billy. My super hearing allowed me to know that the Council was going to have a meeting that same afternoon at Old Quil's house. It was the perfect chance for me to see Jacob. I texted him quickly and waited for my mum to leave. Seth was too busy playing some new game he had borrowed from Quil and I was only planning to go see if Jake was alright after what happened with Sam.

I met him near the border. It was a strategic place because if a wolf from Sam's pack found us we could go into the Cullen's lands and they wouldn't be able to follow us. I wasn't planning on being so emotional but when I saw him there I couldn't stop myself from running into his arms. His warmth made me melt and I let him hug me for a long time in silence. It was only three days but it seemed an eternity.

"Are you ok?" I asked when we finally let go of each other.

"Yes. You?"

I laughed at his concern. I wasn't the one facing Sam "idiot" Uley. I noticed a few marks on his arms but the wounds were healed.

"I hope you hurt him too."

"I did." he answered proudly. "I gave him a mental scar he'll never forget."

I knew exactly what he was talking about. He had probably shown Sam our heated and passionate night.

"I messed up. Sorry." he said.

"It's fine. Did you actually think we would be happily ever after?"

He shrugged and I rolled my eyes. He was a hopeless romantic fool.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you." he whispered cupping my face. I felt his hands move to my waist but before he could kiss me it started to rain. He pulled my hand softly and we went to the Rabbit.

The back seat was small and I immediately wished Jacob had a bigger car. We sat down in silence for a couple of minutes, watching the rain outside.

"Jake…I want to ask you something…" I started.

"Shoot."

"Are you really sure you want to fight for something you know it can end anytime?"

He faced me and looked at me intensively.

"I don't understand. We love each other. I let Nessie go and you broke up with dick face… I thought it's pretty obvious that I want to be with you no matter what our families say or think."

"Everything between us happened so fast. I know that what we feel is real and I believe you when you say that you want to stay by my side, but if we're going to fight for this…we need to think about the consequences."

"What consequences?"

"Billy wants grandchildren Jacob…" I hid my face from him trying to hide my sadness.

"He has Rachel and Rebecca too. I'm sure one of them can give him what he wants."

"He believes I'm not good enough for you…and maybe he's ri…" he cut me off with a kiss and soon he was moving on top of me in that tiny back seat. I guess he was trying to prove that Billy was wrong and he was being quite persuasive. I was enjoying our make out session but his stupid car was way too tiny for both of us and it was almost impossible for me to move and allow him to take of my clothes.

"Leah…I think this was a bad idea." he said breathing heavily. I believed he was talking about two werewolves in the back seat of a tiny car.

I looked at him and tried not to roll my eyes in annoyance.

"No shit Sherlock. This is all your fault." for crying out loud couldn't he have borrowed one of the Cullen's cars or something?

"Does it still hurt?" I touched softly the mark that Sam's teeth had left on his right shoulder three days ago. I hoped Sam was a lot worse.

"No." he answered.

"I missed you." I whispered while he was kissing my neck sending chills up and down my spine.

"I missed you too." he said in a husky voice.

"Jake…"

"What?"

"We need to find a way to solve this mess properly."

"I know."

Jacob lifted his body up suddenly and hit his head. After cursing (a lot) he opened the door and stepped out of the car.

"What are you doing?" I complained. Ok, so the car was tiny and uncomfortable but I would be satisfied even if we just kept making out like that.

"I know you want to finish what we started but you're right. We need to fix things as in right now." he announced.

"What do you mean?" I followed him.

"I meant what I said to Sue and Seth. I want us to be together like a real couple and I'm not going to run away from home at night to meet you in a cheap motel or..."

"In the back of your car." I finished.

"Exactly. Let's go."

We drove back to La Push and I knew what was going through his mind. Jacob was stubborn and persistent. He was going to show the Council that we were going to fight against the whole Reservation if we had to.

He did face the Council on his own and I was a bit worried when I saw the way Sam was looking at us. He was still pissed off because I had slept with Jacob. But that was none of his business anymore.

Billy and Old Quil listened to Jacob's words. I was sure they wouldn't change their minds easily but my mother's actions surprised me. She invited Jacob for dinner which was a good sign. Maybe she was going to accept us. If she did the others would too, in due time of course.

After we leave Old Quil's house Embry and Quil joined us. I would never think they would actually accept a relationship between me and Jacob but they did.

"I still think you're both crazy but I'm glad you're happy." Quil stated.

"Thanks for your support Ateara." I said. He frowned.

"I actually think Jake's better than Sam." Embry confessed.

"Me too." I agreed.

"Thanks guys I appreciate that." Jake said with a smirk on this face.

"Seth…come on man…it's your turn." Embry called and we watched Seth coming out of the woods.

I was really happy to see my baby brother. I would never admit it to anyone but I really wanted his approval. He could be an idiot sometimes but I loved him.

"I will accept this temporarily." he said glaring at Jacob. "I will kill you if you hurt my sister. I don't care if you're my alpha, do you hear me?"

Jake nodded and I smiled. I didn't deserve to have a brother like him.

"Good. And by the way…from now on I don't patrol with neither of you." he said.

We all started laughing at this and Seth ended up joining us. It was good to see that my relationship with Jacob wasn't going to ruin our friendship. We were a pack, a family and we should remain united despite the awkward moments that would most certainly follow when we had to phase. I wasn't too pleased to know that every time Jacob phased, Quil, Embry and Seth would see what happened between us. It was embarrassing to say the least.

Since my house was empty for the time being we went there. Seth, Quil and Embry started to play a game with zombies and aliens while Jacob and I were in the kitchen preparing something to eat.

I could get used to live like that. I mean I had to plan my future if I was going to live in La Push but it wouldn't be too bad if I had a house of my own and once in a while I had to take care of my boyfriend and his starving friends.

When I was going to the living room I felt two strong arms preventing me from moving. I turned around to face Jacob.

"I really think we can beat the Council…" he said in a whisper holding me close to his chest.

"Jake…I need you to know something…"

"What?"

"I already accepted that I love you more than I should…I'm also aware that this happiness I'm feeling right now can end if Nessie returns and if you can't resist the imprint pull…"

"That's not going to happen." he stated firmly.

"But if it does, I need you to do something for me."

"What is it?"

"First I want to be the first to know. I want you to tell me right in my face that you don't want me anymore."

"Fine. But I'll never do that." I felt his grip on my waist tightening.

"And second I need you to accept that I'll be gone forever. Things between us will never be the same."

He looked at me surprised.

"I'm telling you this because I love you too much, Jake." I added. "And when it's over, I won't be able to stay here…"

"I understand Leah and I accept it. I guess I'll just have to prove you that you'll never have to leave because we'll be together…forever."

And that was exactly what I wanted to hear.


	3. Depression

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately she gave Leah and Jake the worst ending **ever**.

Author/Note 1: This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not too explicit).

A/Note 2: I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

A/Note 3: I'm** really** sorry about neglecting this story for so long. It won't happen again.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed so far and I hope you like the rest of the story.

**The five stages of Grief [Reversed] by Leah Clearwater**

_**2. Depression **_

_Time heals everything._ That's the saying. But it's wrong. It's not time that heals it's your own strength that allows you to do it. When Sam left me I thought my life was over. It was hard to forget and to let it go but my family helped me and I realised that I had to protect my people. I could've left La Push a long time ago. I could've left when my father died and I started morphing into a giant wolf, but I did no such thing. I was stronger than that and I had to keep an eye on my mother and my little brother. I made the right decision back then. Besides I didn't want to give Sam and Emily the satisfaction of seeing me backing down.

I was on my own because I kept everyone away from me, but that was actually the only way to survive, to handle the pain. I knew I wasn't wanted but I was a protector so I stayed. I had lost all my will power by becoming a wolf. I'd lost my boyfriend, I'd lost my ability to have children, I wasn't going to age, I would never have a normal life and I would never love again. At least that was what I thought at the time. Until Jacob gave me an option and I took it. I would rather follow his orders than Sam's. Okay, so my new alpha was a leech lover who was still moping around about losing the love of his life but still he accepted me in his pack and I felt free after a long time.

Love was a complicated thing. I loved Sam once. I loved his ability to make me laugh, he was reliable and sincere about his feelings and he always made me feel like I was special. But in the end it was Emily who was special, not me. When I met Aaron I liked the way he could talk to me without making me feel uncomfortable. I realise now that I probably never loved him. I guess I saw a little bit of the old Sam in him.

But Jacob…it was totally different. I didn't know why or how I had fallen in love with him. I just knew that I did. He made me feel different, lighter, stronger and happier. By his side I felt that my life had a meaning and that I would be able to actually be happy after all I've been through. We were both happy and that was the reason why I couldn't understand why there were some people who weren't able to accept us.

After two months there were still rumours going on about Jacob and I and the Council was still mad at us. But since our pack was on our side we decided to take things lightly and give them time to accept it. That didn't mean everything was easy.

Every time Quil or Embry made a joke about my relationship with Jake, Seth turned into a killing machine and it was hard to calm him down. My mother was also having cold feet. At first she invited Jacob for a couple of dinners and lunches because she did love him like a son, but I realised she was only trying to make me see he was not the right guy for me. Billy was also trying to convince Jake that our relationship was a mistake.

As for Sam's pack, they were all trying to ignore us. Rachel thought I was playing with fire because she believed that Jacob would eventually leave me.

I was used to be ignored and to hear people saying bad things about me. Let's be honest I had been a true harpy in the past: bitter, mean and selfish and old habits die hard, right? Having super hearing didn't help much. Since I started working at the La Push Community Centre I had been hearing a lot of unfair things about me and Jacob.

I tried to ignore it at first. People didn't know what had happened and they were just plain stupid if they thought that I was dating Jacob to annoy Sam Uley. Apparently everyone thought I wasn't over him yet. But after a few weeks it was becoming very uncomfortable to hear everyone calling me a whore. In everyone's opinion I was with Jake because I was a bitch who would sleep with all the boys in the Reservation just for fun. There were even bets about who I was going to bang next. Embry was the most voted so far. Little did they know that my extra-activities with Jacob Black were on hold.

There were no regrets about what had happened between us. I still loved him and I wanted to be with him and prove everyone that we could actually be happy together but Jacob was still seventeen years old and by waiting a little longer I was hoping to understand better my sudden need to be with him, to quit everything and just stay by his side. After our first time I had realised that it was more than a physical attraction to me but I wanted to know if he felt the same because to pursue a relationship based on sex was something that had never crossed my mind.

He agreed because he also wanted to prove me that this wasn't just a teenager's crush or lust. When we were alone it felt like pure torture. But our self control was being tested and neither of us wanted to back down. We were going to prove Billy and the rest of the Council that this wasn't just our hormones going haywire; it was much more than that.

When I finally left the Community Centre was already dark and I walked quickly to the car because I wanted to go home, have dinner and sleep. I was damn tired from watching files and writing reports all day.

"Hi…Can I have a word?" A familiar voice asked behind me.

I turned to face Sam and I immediately regretted it. I knew what he was going to tell me and yet I allowed him to talk.

"You're not serious about this, are you? I mean…Jacob imprinted on Renesmee…he'll hurt you even more than I did."

"Cut the crap Sam…Jacob fought against his imprint which was more than you ever did for me."

"He's just a kid Leah and you're blind. I don't know what he told you but he'll always have a bond with Bella's daughter. It would've been better if you just stayed with Aaron."

"So you think I don't love Jacob."

"You _can't_ love him."

"You're wrong."

"I'm not, Leah. And I'm going to prove it to you."

"How?"

Sam took a step closer to me and hugged me tightly. I immediately pushed him away.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I demanded.

"I can give you the same that Jacob gives you."

"What?"

"Wolves have their senses enhanced. Our hormones are also affected. I know that after I left you, you didn't have sex with anyone until Aaron managed to make you believe in love again."

"What the fuck has that to do with this?"

"The thing is…you're a wolf Leah and it's only natural that Aaron couldn't satisfy you completely. So…when you, stupidly, let Jacob have his way with you, you felt…"

"Stop." I ordered. "You're actually telling me that I'm with Jacob because he's better in bed than Aaron?" I asked shocked.

"Yes. It's not just Jacob. Any other wolf would probably be better than a human."

"And you want to be the one giving me what I need, right?"

"Yes…I mean no…I just want you to see that you need to stay away from him. What you're feeling for him it's just lust."

"Why? Why are you so worried about me and Jacob? Would you be doing the same if I was dating Embry or Brady or any of the others?"

Sam didn't answer.

"He's not good enough for you, Lee-Lee."

"That's my call, not yours."

I couldn't believe this guy. I was finally accepting that I could be happy again and here he was ruining everything again.

"Can't you see this is wrong?" He asked.

"What's wrong?"

"You and Jake. You were away for a year and Jacob never thought about you. You weren't here and he never missed you or spoke about you. He was happy watching Nessie growing up and then suddenly you came back and he saw a good competition. He felt protective because Aaron was an outsider and you let him cross the line. Jacob doesn't love you Leah. You gave him what he needed and as soon as she returns, because she _will_ come back, he's going to leave you."

"He's not you. You're just jealous because you think you still own me."

"I wish it was that simple." He whispered. "I'm begging you Leah. Stop this while you still can…I don't want to see you hurt again."

I turned my back on him and got inside the car. He was a jerk but his words brought doubts into my mind. I hated to admit but Sam was right about one thing. Things between Jacob and I had happened too fast besides we had never showed any romantic interest in each other before.

What if this thing between us was just temporary? Maybe he was just waiting for Nessie to grow up? Maybe I was fed up with Aaron? Maybe we were being controlled by our wolves' instincts? I didn't know for sure and that troubled me because I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want to suffer either.

Feeling depressive by the second I drove home and after a long shower I decided to go for a run. I thought about everything that I had gone through. I didn't know what to think anymore, I was confused. Jacob's birthday was the next day and I knew the pack was planning a party for him. Maybe I should just forget about Sam and think about having some fun at Jake's party.

Without noticing it I ended up near his house. I waited to check who was home and fortunately Jacob was the only one there at the moment. Feeling insecure about my own feelings and Sam's words I decided to talk to Jacob. To be sure about what was happening between us.

I walked in through the window, since it had become a habit of ours not to use the front door.

"Leah…What's going on?" He asked with a surprised expression. We had agreed to meet only at his party the next day.

"I…was…near by." I lied.

"You don't look so good."

I was in silence for a while. I didn't know what to say to him. I was too confused. I was about to let him embrace me when his cell phone rang. We looked at the bedside table and I could see the name on the screen.

_Nessie. _And then everything became clear in my head. What were we doing? Did I actually think for one minute that Jacob would be able to live without Nessie? That he would actually choose me over his imprint? I was a complete fool. Everyone was right. My mother, Billy, Old Quil...even Sam. Nessie was his world. Even if she wasn't in Forks, it was impossible not to keep in touch with her and she was still only a child. Once she was older, Jacob would probably want to see her and they would fall madly in love. What I had with Jacob was based on a night of bliss and the fact that we had both been through the same hardships in life. We were close friends and we let ourselves be controlled by our damn emotions. How could I've been so stupid and think otherwise?

"You should answer the phone." I said. My voice sounded colder than I wanted and he noticed it.

"She can wait."

"She's your imprint."

"Leah…we've talked about this. You said you were alright with Nessie being away, we agreed we wanted this."

"Maybe we were wrong." I whispered.

"What? How can you say that?"

Sam's words kept playing in my head. Then there was also Billy's opinion about this relationship being a mistake. Even my mother was against it although she had tried to accept us.

"Answer the call, Jacob."

"No. I want to know what's going on. Why are you really here? Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" I asked aggressively.

"Are you jealous of Nessie? She's just a kid and you know I don't want her."

"Shut up. You're saying that because she's a child now. You're saying that because you think you can fight back the imprint."

"Of course I can! I'm doing it right now! For you!" He almost yelled.

"So what if you let her go with the leeches to the other side of the world? She's still here!" I pointed to the ringing phone and he frowned.

"It's my birthday tomorrow Leah. She's probably calling to wish me a happy birthday. Maybe it wasn't even her idea to call, it was probably Bella's."

The phone stopped ringing and I picked it up. I watched the screen and showed it to him.

"Tell me what you see Jacob." I demanded. My voice was now bitter.

He swallowed hard and took the phone away from me.

"So what?" He replied. "It's just a damn photo."

"Do you know what I see?"

He didn't answer.

"Your screen paper is a picture of you and _her_. Your room's walls don't have posters of hot girls like my brother's or Embry's or even Sam's when he was dating me. No Angelina Jolie in a bathing suit, no Megan Fox in a bikini…Do you know why? Because you're waiting for _her_. You don't want to betray _her_ memory even if she's away. You don't love me Jake. You love _her_."

I never thought my words could hurt me so much. The words were supposed to hurt him, not me.

"I love you Leah. You know that. This picture doesn't have any meaning. I will change it for yours if you want me to."

"That's exactly my point Jake. It's not me who has to decide that sort of thing, it's you and you chose to keep her picture…in the end you'll always choose her over me."

"You're overreacting. You told me you wanted to be with me…this can't be just about my cell phone and Nessie's pictures."

"I was wrong and I'm sorry. We can't be together."

"No! You weren't wrong! We're in love…you're mine, you told me that when we…"

"It was a mistake." I cut him off. "I made myself believe I was in love with you because you kept insisting. I don't love you Jacob. I'm just attracted to you."

"Liar." He came closer and pinned me against his wardrobe.

"It's just lust Jake…You know that." I tried. "You feel lonely and felt sorry for me. I get it."

"You're lying to yourself. I know you want me. I know you love me too."

"Listen to me Jacob. We made a mistake that night. We weren't thinking straight and our emotions got the best of us. It can't happen again."

I should know by now that Jacob wouldn't give up easily. He was probably as stubborn as me the only difference was that I was trying to correct something wrong and he kept living a dream. I knew what I had to do. I had to tell him that it was over between us. I had to stop this nonsense even though I loved him.

"Don't do this Leah…Please."

"I have to. This is wrong. We'll hurt each other more."

"You can't hurt me more than this." His voice was a mixture of sadness and despair.

And then when I thought he was going to release me Jacob smashed his lips on mine and it took all I had not to submit to him once again. I managed to push him away for a few seconds.

"After tomorrow I'll be eighteen. We can go anywhere you want. We can leave La Push and even if the Cullens come back we won't be here. I'll never see Nessie again." He said while his hands went to my waist sending chills up and down my entire body.

"Jacob…It wouldn't work." My words sounded too much like a moan and he took that cue to kiss me again.

I wanted this as much as him but what about the consequences of our actions? I wasn't worried about getting pregnant because I was barren, everyone knew that, but I wouldn't be able to take another rejection.

Jacob wasn't Sam and I knew that. He was trying to fight his imprint for me but I knew this was a lost war. Nessie was always on his mind. Maybe she wasn't while we were kissing and maybe he had been able to forget about her and Bella when we made love but that wouldn't last forever and I had never been one to share. Jacob wasn't mine to begin with. He had always been Bella's or Nessie's. I had to let him go but most important, I had to forget about him.

"Jacob, stop." I begged but his lips didn't move away from my neck. I opened my eyes and I finally realised what was about to happen.

I was in his bed, trapped beneath him, caged like a bird. My top had disappeared and my jeans were unbuttoned. I could feel the heat of Jacob's body irradiating and for a split second my will faltered especially when I noticed I could touch and kiss his beautiful chest. Maybe I should let him have me one last time.

When he was about to remove my bra my thoughts got clearer and I pushed him away from me as hard as I could. I saw anger in his eyes and in less than a second he forced me on the bed again, holding my wrists with an iron grip.

"Let me go." I asked.

"No. I need you too much." He whispered in my ear. He kept playing with my bra until he removed it completely. "I need you to want me the same way I want you…"

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."

My words caught him off guard and he lifted his face to watch me.

"What are you talking about?"

"If you need to fuck me, just do it…Actually maybe we should just become fuck buddies. I mean that's why you need me, right?"

Again those words hit me as hard as they hit him. He released my wrists and met my eyes. That was my chance to convince him this was wrong.

"I don't blame you Jake. This is not your fault. You just didn't want to wait anymore. I find it sweet that you had your first time with me. I find it brave that you don't want to be tied to a half-vampire child and I definitely think you're a great kid but…"

"I'm not a kid." He complained.

"You have to be a kid for a few more years Jacob. Until she's ready."

"So what happened between us Leah? What about all those promises? You came back to me, you made me believe we had a future."

"And we have. Only our future will be just temporary. We'll play lovers for a while and then when Nessie returns you'll go back to her, because she's your soul mate, your world, the one for you. I'll be broken again but I'll let you go because I won't have any other choice. It will be like Sam all over again. Is that the future you want?"

"What if I can beat this? What if I don't go back to Nessie?"

"I really like the way you sound so confident. The way you try to fight against the imprint is probably the nicest thing anyone ever did for me but you know you won't win. You still think about her, don't you? Be honest with your own heart…"

"Sometimes I do but that's normal. She's my friend."

"She's more than that. Maybe not now, but she will. You'll get married one day and have kids. That's what you want, right? To have a family of your own. I can't provide you that."

I slowly got up from his bed and put my clothes on. He watched me without saying a word.

"It was nice while it lasted. I think it's better if we think that somehow we helped each other and that things are just the way they are."

"So this is it? It's over?"

"Yes."

"What did I help you with?"

"You made me realise that I wasn't happy with Aaron. I was hiding and trying to prove I had moved on. I guess I wanted to believe that one day I would love him and have a normal life but we weren't meant to be. I was living a lie."

"And what about me?"

"I don't know Jacob…I just…I guess I allowed you to have something you wanted."

"What was that? Sex?"

"If you see it that way, yes…"

"Do you think that's what I wanted?"

"Yes."

"Why can't you believe that I actually have feelings for you?"

"Because those feelings will disappear and because I'm not worth it."

"Why not? Because you can't have kids? Because you're older than me? Because our parents are against us? Why did you change your mind now, Leah? Just give me a good reason."

"Because I'm just a vindictive bitch. I used you and now I want out."

"Are you kidding me? Do think I'm that stupid? I can see right through you. You're scared of loving me. You're scared and that's why you're doing this."

"I have the right to be scared Jacob and I have the right to end this relationship before we hurt ourselves beyond repair."

"And I have the right to fight for you."

"It's a lost cause, Jake. We both know that."

"I don't care."

"Look, just forget about me, about us."

"Maybe I will." He said defiantly.

"Good." I stated with a hint of pain. "Do yourself a favour and don't search for me."

"I won't have to."

"What?"

"You're not going anywhere."

I looked at him surprised.

"What do you mean?"

"I forbid you to leave La Push." He said firmly. I was in shock. He had given me an alpha command so I couldn't leave.

"What do you think you're doing?" I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. I was pretty angry right now.

"Making sure you're staying out of troubles and away from dick face Aaron."

"You're trying to keep me here against my will you asshole. I told you we're over. I don't want to stay here."

"Tough. Last time I checked I was still the alpha. If you want to play dirty I can do it too. You're stuck here with me until I feel like it and I'm not going to give up yet."

"But…"

"I fought against the imprint Leah…for you. I can feel the pull and it hurts but I'm not going through all this work just to be rejected again. I will convince you that we belong together even if that kills me."

Jacob Black was fucking stubborn and right now I was really pissed off with him. That alpha command was trapping me.

"Fine, do what you want. You're just going to hurt yourself more. I'm not going to change my mind. After today we are not together anymore. Got it?"

He nodded in agreement and then he smiled, leaving me utterly confused. He was definitely crazy.

"Now where were we?" He took a step closer and almost kissed me. This time I managed to get away from him and I jumped quickly out of the window.

He stood by the window smiling mischievously at me.

"Are you running away from me? Are you scared that I'm right and you'll end up giving in to me again?" He smirked.

"No. I have other things to do. I have a life."

"Sure, sure…"

I turned my back on him and when I was going to leave I heard him whisper my name. I felt chills when I realised he was actually crying. I didn't turn around to see him because I was scared that I wouldn't be able to leave if I did. I would probably run back into his arms and apologise for lying and hurting him like that.

I kept walking firmly until I reached the trees and then finally I exploded. Literally. I hadn't phased in more than a year now but after breaking up with Jacob I couldn't take it anymore. Fortunately no one else was phased so I managed to run freely through the forest. I knew Jacob's alpha command wouldn't let me leave our lands so I went to the cliffs where I stayed for hours watching the night sky.

Nothing mattered anymore. I was back at stage zero. My life didn't have a meaning like before. I remembered the night we made love. I felt whole for the first time in years. It was the kind of happiness you feel when you're sure that after all the hardships you had been through and all those bad things didn't happen in vain. They had a purpose. But that dream was now over forever.

I had been naïve to believe that we could be happy together. Even if the Council accepted us, things wouldn't be easy. At some point Jacob would want a family and I couldn't give him children. And of course Nessie's memory would always be present. She was the one for him, not me. So what if we had feelings for each other? Sam had promised to stay by my side too and now he was happily married. I couldn't compete with my scarred cousin in the past much less Bella's perfect daughter.

I should have never broken up with Aaron. He had true feelings for me and maybe one day I could've loved him too. I felt stupid. I had given up my only chance to be happy with a decent guy for someone who would never truly love me because Nessie would always be first.

I would be lying if I tried to deny that I hadn't thought about Jacob and I having a nice and happy life in La Push. I had thought about it several times. I thought about moving in together, finding jobs, building a career, having dinner with our families, getting married and maybe, if we stopped phasing, I could give him a child: a baby boy with my eyes and his hair. He would be so proud.

But instead here I was again: alone, empty, soulless and trapped. I couldn't leave La Push and ask Aaron to take me back. Anyways he probably wouldn't want to see me ever again. I had only one option: to become the bitter harpy I once was. That was my fate.

I watched the dark waters while I was on the cliffs and I let the depression consume me.


	4. Bargaining

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately she gave Leah and Jake the worst ending ever.

Author/Note 1: This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not too explicit).

A/Note 2: I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed so far and I hope you like the rest of the story.

**The five stages of Grief [Reversed] by Leah Clearwater**

_**3. Bargaining **_

To say that my life had changed radically was an understatement. I even felt dizzy, like I had been having too many rides on a rollercoaster. I stayed lying in my bed after telling Seth I didn't feel good that morning.

The pack was setting Jacob's birthday's party and I would have to find a good excuse not to go. So far no one knew that we had broken up. I had cried all night like a damn school girl after my first heartbreak. I was disgusted with myself but I guess I had fallen too hard for Jake.

My life resumed itself by a conglomerate of disappointing events, one after the other, after the Cullens came into town. Sam left me and hooked up with my cousin, my father died because Seth and I became wolves and I had risked my life fighting an army of new born vampires to save Bella Swan. When I finally thought I would be able to restart my life away from the leeches and the packs, I made the biggest mistake of my pathetic life. I came home to present my boyfriend to my family and I ended up falling in love with someone else.

I had to be crazy. How could I give up on Aaron for Jacob? Hadn't I suffered enough with Sam? Yes, I was definitely a masochist or plain stupid. The worst part of this was that for two months I had actually believed in us. I had actually thought we could have a life together and now that the dream was shattered I was too weak and exhausted to fight back and start all over again.

The fact that it had been me to put an end in our relationship didn't mean it was easier on the contrary, it meant I had to fight harder to let go of our memories and to forget about him and what we had.

I was now starting to feel drained of all my strength and suffocated because I didn't know what to do and how to react. I was trapped in La Push as long as Jacob kept the alpha command on me and now that I had phased again I was almost sure he would make me patrol along with the others. After all that was my job as a protector.

Unfortunately that also meant I was going to have to see Jacob a lot more than I wanted to. I got up from my bed and started pacing around my bedroom. I could easily miss Jake's party this afternoon but what about the rest of the time I would stay in the Reservation? He had finished High School and had no job which meant he had free time to walk around and come to my house as much as he liked. Damn it. If only I had left his house before he could forbid me from leaving La Push.

I opened the door and I escaped from my house without my mother and Charlie noticing. They were talking in the living room. I had to leave because Seth would certainly come home after noticing my absence at Jake's house. The only question was: where could I go?

I didn't want to phase again. If I phased they would find me easily besides I didn't have spare clothes with me. I walked for hours in the beach. Since it was raining I knew no one would go there. I didn't mind getting all wet because I couldn't feel the cold or get sick.

My life had become quite a mess and I could only drown myself in self-pity for being so stupid or put a brave mask on my face and try to move on like I had done after Sam left me for Emily. Either way the pain in my heart would remain there for a very long time.

I needed something to distract myself from Jacob so I went to the nearest bar in the Reservation. It was a small and smelly old bar where I only went once. It didn't have a good reputation just like me so I guess I was in the right place.

I ordered a beer first and the man at the counter smiled when he recognised me.

"You're the Clearwater girl, right?"

"And if I am?"

"Just checking."

I shrugged and focused on the bottle of beer he had given me. As a wolf I knew I couldn't get drunk easily. I had done some experiences myself after turning into a giant dog and after my father's funeral. I remember that I drank all of my father's whisky bottles he had in the house and nothing happened. Back then I thought that if I had challenged all the legends of our tribe by becoming the only female wolf in History, why wouldn't I be able to become the first wolf going into a damn alcoholic coma?

"Take it easy, okay?" The man said when I ordered a second bottle. "Whatever is going on in your life, I'm sure this isn't the way to solve things."

I laughed loudly. I wished I could tell him my life story. I bet in the end he would offer me all the drinks I wanted for free.

"You would be surprised." I said and he arched his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind…"

I kept drinking. The more I drank the less I remembered about my past and last few months. Unfortunately I was still lucid enough to remember Jacob's name. Maybe a bottle of whisky would do the trick.

I was almost starting to see double when I recognised my brother's scent approaching me. For a minute I almost feared he had brought Jacob with him but Seth was alone.

"Leah, we searched everywhere for you. Mum is so worried. Why are you here, sis?"

"I was thirsty."

Seth looked at me and shook his head.

"Why are you here, Leah?" He asked again. "Why didn't you go to Jake's party?"

So the coward hadn't told anyone. He wanted me to play the bad guy.

"We broke up." I stated taking a zip on my eleventh beer, or maybe it was the twelfth.

Seth's mouth hung opened for a few seconds then he took some money out of his pocket and gave it to Mark, the guy at the counter. He had been quite a good company.

"Come on Leah. You need to tell me the details."

Seth dragged my drunken ass back home and stayed with me when I was throwing up my guts in the bathroom. My mother was downstairs making me some coffee and I could feel my brother's gaze in the back of my head.

"Stop staring Seth." I asked.

"I'm…not staring." He said not very convincingly.

"You were and I don't need your pity."

I cleaned myself and went to my bedroom. After a while my mother joined us.

"What happened?" She asked handing me the coffee.

"Nothing much. It's the same old story…My life is a mess, I should be used to it by now."

"You said you and Jake broke up."

I nodded.

"That's correct. He didn't tell you?"

"No." Seth said.

"When did you break up?" My mum asked.

"Yesterday."

"I'm going to kill him." Seth clenched his fists.

"It's fine Seth."

"No, it's not. He promised he wouldn't hurt you."

"It wasn't him. It was me. I broke up with him."

"What?" Both my mum and brother asked.

"You were right. I was being stupid. I just…let myself believe we could be happy…I was living a dream."

"But you even went against the Council." Seth recalled.

"Please Seth…We made a mistake."

"That's not what I saw in Jake's thoughts when he fought Sam."

"Jacob thought he could fight against the imprint, but he can't. And I just…I wanted to be the chosen one for once. It's fine…everything is going to be fine."

I was trying to convince myself more than them. My mother kept quiet the whole time and for the first time in many years I didn't know what she was thinking. Usually it was easy for me to read her, but now I didn't know how she was going to react.

"It's not going to be fine if you try to do this again." Seth whispered.

"Come on Seth, I'm a big girl now and you know I can't get drunk."

"Your brother is right, Leah. I was worried sick about you. You can't do this again."

"I'm sorry."

"Drink the coffee and have some rest. We'll talk more in the morning." My mum said with a small smile. At least someone was happy about my break up with Jacob.

I obliged and when they left my room I turned the lights off and closed my eyes.

"What are we going to do? I don't want Leah to leave again." Seth whined.

"Let's just wait and see." My mother replied.

Too bad they didn't know I was actually stuck in La Push for all eternity.

xxxxxxxxxx

A week later my reputation was at its peak. I was expecting nothing less from the people who had told Sam that he had done the best decision of his life when he left me for my cousin. Since everyone saw me as a slut, it hadn't been such a big deal that Jacob and I had broken up so the rumours focused mainly on the reasons why our relationship was over, my infidelity being the most voted reason of course.

I kept working, making myself busy every hour of the day, except when I was sleeping. I didn't want to think about Jacob. I was trying to convince myself that this didn't hurt as much as my first rejection with Sam, but the truth was it did.

During that time Jacob had proved to know me very well, better than I thought. He avoided me and ordered Seth to be my patrol's partner because he knew Seth was the only other wolf I wouldn't lash out on. Quil and Embry had already proved my acid humour a few days ago and it wasn't pretty.

So I was a bit nervous and shocked when I saw Jacob joining me that evening in my backyard.

"Where's my brother?" I asked.

"He went to pick up Sue, he'll be here in a while."

"I'm not patrolling with you." I said sternly and he grinned.

"You would…if I wanted you to. But I'm not here to change patrolling schedules or partners. I just want to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say to you, Jake. Just leave."

"You were right."

That sure got my attention. We hadn't spoken in a while and he was saying I was right and he was wrong? Was he high or something?

"About what?"

"About us…I think you were right about this being more physical. I believe I was attracted to you and since Nessie is still too young, I kind of…"

"Good to know I was of some use for you, oh-mighty-alpha." I gave him one of my best glares to avoid showing my true feelings. It had hurt to hear that.

"I've been thinking and this is probably a "wolf thing". It makes sense that way."

"So?"

"So…it has nothing to do with feelings, which means you can stop running away from me and we can resume what we have…"

"Had." I said firmly and he frowned.

"To the physical things." He finished.

I didn't know exactly what he meant.

"You don't want to fall in love with me, right?" He asked. "Although you already have…" He added in a whisper.

"Don't do this again, Jacob."

"This is a chance to let go of your feelings and just go with the flow. An easy way out for both of us."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Just stop with the damn riddles!"

"Fine. I want you to stay with me until I wait for Nessie to come to Forks."

My mouth was hanging opened after hearing that proposition.

"You said it yourself…You said we could be fuck buddies, didn't you?"

"I can't believe you're actually saying this. Are you listening to yourself? Have you been smoking?"

"If feelings aren't involved, we won't get hurt."

"You're asking me to become your slut, your rebound until Nessie is old enough?"

"No, I'm asking you to be my mate or whatever wolves have for the time being. If it's only sex…"

"Fuck you Jacob."

"Wait." He grabbed my wrist and spun me in his arms.

"I haven't told you all of it yet."

"I'm not going to be your sex buddy."

"What if I promise to set you free from the alpha command?"

"You'd free me if I sleep with you?"

"Yes."

"Just like that?"

"If you agree to do it on your free will, yes."

I looked into his eyes. I knew Jake wasn't a liar. He would keep his word but I was going through a very dangerous road there. We were over. I mean I had decided this was the best thing to do and if I took my word back, I would be weak and reckless again. On the other side, he had just admitted he didn't love me. All this time, this had been just his hormones and my stupidity playing a game. He had been lonely and I was also vulnerable so he took the chance. He knew now that Nessie was the one but he also wanted to have some more fun until she was ready to come back. I guess I had been promoted again. From beta to pack's whore.

"You have a reputation to keep, don't you? Might as well have some fun."

I tried to slap him but he was still holding me too close.

"Let go of me."

"I need an answer."

"Maybe I should charge you. If I'm going to be a whore might as well earn some money."

"Stop bargaining. I'm not going to pay you Leah. You decide if you want to be with me or not. I'm not going to force you."

"And what are you doing then?"

"I'm…negotiating. It's a mutual bargain. Be mine again and I'll let you go free. You can even leave the pack."

"Are you going to explain this to my brother? Because I don't know how he's going to react when he finds out."

"I'll deal with Seth, don't worry."

"So…If I accept this…How do I know that you're not trying to get me back?"

"Didn't you hear me? I realised I don't have feelings for you."

"If you don't have feelings for me, why don't you just rape me right here?"

Jacob let me go immediately.

"Because I'm not a damn rapist and I'm trying to give you something in return."

"Right…my freedom…the one you took."

"It was your fault. You pissed me off."

"Really? So tell me something Jacob…what made you change your mind since the last time we spoke?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You said you would make me change my mind. You told me you would convince me that we belong together. How do I know this isn't one of your schemes?"

"What? You think I would come up with something like this to do that? I'm not that idiot, Leah. I mean I know for experience that I'm the best you ever had but if I wanted to find a way to make you realise the feelings you still have for me, I would come up with something more…elaborate. A date, movies, dinner…something romantic. This is just sex. No feelings, no strings attached. Maybe it's mating season for wolves, maybe it's my hormones, maybe it's your alluring scent…I don't know."

"There are other girls, Jake. There's a long line of them waiting for a chance to be with you."

"They're too fragile, besides they would want more…a relationship. I can't give them that, remember? I already have a soul mate and I want to wait for her. I just don't see any reason to waste this chance after all you're here, I'm here you took my…virtue, do the math."

He had a point in there. Sex was just sex. It was as simple as that as long as it didn't involve true feelings, feelings that I had tried to ignore. Feelings that I wanted to forget. Feelings that he was now denying and maybe that was the reason I was feeling so hurt. Because in the end it had felt good to know that he had loved me and wanted to fight for us. Now that he had told me he was just attracted to me, I was disappointed.

"Your hesitation makes me believe you're analysing my…bargain." He said.

"I want to leave La Push and never come back."

"Is that a yes?"

"Okay, you show me I don't mean anything to you anymore and I'll do it and then you'll have to take back the alpha command."

"Fine."

I knew I was being an idiot but at least I would be able to go away from him afterwards.

"Show me." I insisted.

"I don't need to show you Leah. Deep inside you always knew I didn't love you. How could I? You're mean, selfish, vindictive and bitter. You're only tolerable because you're hot. The only reason I accepted you in my pack was because Seth would be mad at me if I didn't. I wanted you to leave and stay with Sam, because you deserved to be tormented with all his memories of Emily after the way you treated both of them. I allowed you to go to Seattle because I didn't need you and I wanted to have some peace and quiet. I couldn't bear to have you all the time in my head. When you came with Aaron I felt sorry for him. I envied him because he could have you every time he wanted while I was still a…virgin. I tried my chances with you because you were the only girl I could be with and not hurt physically. Along the way we got carried away but now my mind is clear. I can never love you like I love Nessie. She's perfect and you'll never be. You're just a freak. Good enough for you?"

I refused to let my tears fall after his speech. It felt like my heart was bleeding and I was suffocating.

"Meet me tomorrow at my place. Billy is going to watch a game at Charlie's and Rachel is going out with Paul."

I couldn't even look at him. If he hadn't placed an alpha command on me I would've probably phased already and left the state.

"Go home. I'll patrol with Seth."

My body moved slowly until I reached the house. I didn't know what to think or say. I guess the truth had made me realise how big of a fool I'd been. Jacob had played me all along and I fell for him like a stupid bimbo.

I heard Seth joining Jacob a few minutes later and then, after a long and hot shower I decided to play his game. If he wanted a slut, I would give him a slut and in the end I would make him miserable for making me break up with Aaron. I was going to make him pay for lying to me. He should have told me from the beginning he was only after sex. Now I would have to plan my revenge.

xxxxxxxxxxx

I shouldn't be nervous about this. I had thought about it and it didn't make sense. We had done it before, we were alone and had super hearing powers that enabled us to avoid being caught, I couldn't get pregnant and since he had finally accepted that the thing between us was just lust, there was nothing to worry about.

Jacob opened the door before I even knocked and pulled me inside. We stood in the living room staring at each other for a few seconds and I could see in his eyes that something had changed.

"Leah, I…"

He was backing down. Maybe he didn't want to take the alpha command back or maybe he didn't want me anymore but I had a plan that I had been organising all night and I couldn't let him ruin it so I crashed my body against his and kissed him fiercely as if our lives depended on it. He didn't defraud me and held my waist tightly while our swearing kiss lasted.

I pushed him against the wall and he tried to take my top off but now I was in charge.

"Easy there…I have some rules." I panted.

"Rules?" He pulled away.

"We're having sex, right? Raw sex…no feelings attached."

"I guess…"

"In that case there won't be any talking, cuddling or staying afterwards, got it?"

"Why?"

"Because that's what normal couples do and we're sex buddies."

"Right." He confirmed. "I can do that."

"Are we going to do it in the couch or are you taking me to your room?" I asked mischievously.

He pulled my hand and we walked into his messy bedroom. It looked like a tornado had hit it since the last time I had been there. The bed was still intact though and I made sure to be on top of him when he landed in it.

He removed his shirt and lifted my top until it reached my chin then he just got impatient and ripped the material off of my body.

"New rule…you pay for my shredded clothes."

"Sure." He grinned.

He flipped us over to remove his shorts and when he was done he got rid of mine too. I felt myself shivering but his warmth rapidly engulfed me. Before we could actually pass to the second base, I put my true plan into action. I removed a small package from my black bra and pushed his chiselled chest away so I could breathe.

"Here. There's one last rule you need to accept."

"What's this for?" He asked when I handed him the condom.

"Well…I guess it's obvious."

"You can't get pregnant."

"I haven't actually seen a doctor, have I?"

"But last time we…"

"Put it on or I'm leaving."

"Come on…"

"You might as well getting used to it. When Nessie becomes of age and since her apparently dead father managed to knock up her mother, she'll probably be able to have children too and you don't want to knock her up right away because Edward and Bella would be pissed off as hell."

Jacob frowned. Hearing about Nessie and the time when she would be ready to actually be with him ruined the mood.

"See, Jake…Sex is sex but it's better to be sure. Nessie will probably ask you to wear one too. She'll probably be a little bit nervous about it but I'm sure you'll teach her everything she needs to know."

Now he looked like he was going to throw up.

"I thought you didn't want to talk."

"I'm just saying that you need to be careful if you…" I couldn't end the sentence because he kissed me until we ran out of air.

Then I knew my plan wasn't working exactly as I thought. I had underestimated him or his hormones.

"No talking, remember?" He said adjusting himself on top of me.

I didn't need to be a genius to know that my battle was lost but from the moment I had stepped inside of his bedroom I had been trying to hold myself down and not give in to him, although it was everything I truly wanted.

I knew it was wrong, dangerous and stupid but I guess I needed to be with him one more time.

Time stopped for me in that moment. I focused only on our synchronised movements. He moved, I moved. He moaned, I moaned. His heart raced, my heart raced.

This was supposed to be different from our first time. Back then I thought we loved each other and now we were supposed to be having just sex, but in reality it wasn't that different because I still had feelings for him.

It was much more intense than I was expecting and although he had said that he didn't feel that way for me and that he just wanted to have some fun, that was not what he was showing right now.

I felt like I was driving off the road and I was going to crash but for now I couldn't care because he was there with me, making me feel whole and protected. For a while I didn't feel any pain in my heart and my mind was clear and I stopped pretending. So in the end I couldn't follow my own plan and I gave myself entirely to him. This love was going to be my downfall.

We didn't cuddle, we lay in the tiny bed in a tight embrace because there wasn't space enough for both of us but I probably would've stayed if we hadn't heard a car coming.

We were still sweating and breathing heavily when I started to put my clothes on. The pain had returned.

"My dad doesn't come to my bedroom." Jacob said getting dressed too.

"No talking, no cuddling, no staying. That was the deal." I said picking up his red shirt to replace the top he had ruined. Shit, it was one of my favourite tops.

"But we just…"

"We had awesome sex, Jake. That was all."

He rolled his eyes and muttered something I didn't understand.

"No feelings, right?" I insisted.

"Yeah…no feelings, but you can stay and eat something. I know you're hungry."

"I need to go."

"Why?"

"I have other clients to satisfy." I mocked.

"Shut up. You don't have clients. You're not a…"

"You never know, Jake. Embry hasn't imprinted yet and Quil has a long wait ahead, so maybe they'll want a ride too, what do you think?" I kept teasing to see his reaction.

"If they touch you…"

"Don't be possessive Jake. We're just sex buddies. You're waiting for Nessie."

"I know…but…"

"Now, give me what I want so I can leave before Billy gets here and this becomes awkward."

"What do you mean?"

"Take back the alpha command."

"Oh…I'm sorry but I can't do that."

"What? But I slept with you."

"I said I would take it back but I haven't decided when."

"You little bastard. Who do you think you are?" I glared at him. "I'm going to kill you!"

Jacob definitely was going to pay.

* * *

A/Note 3: Many of you will hate Jacob after this, but he's just trying to prove his point. So even if he sounds a bit OC try to bear it. Thanks :D


	5. Anger

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately she gave Leah and Jake the worst ending ever.

Author/Note 1: This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not too explicit).

A/Note 2: I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed so far and I hope you like the rest of the story.

**The five stages of Grief [Reversed] by Leah Clearwater**

_**4. Anger**_

I watched as the sun was leaving the sky and dark clouds were closing in. I was sitting down on my front porch, waiting nervously for my mother to come home. What a mess. My life was a complete failure.

Let's see right now I didn't know if I was going to be charged of homicide attempt, vandalising a police's vehicle and private property or if my mum would be able to set everything straight with Charlie.

I shouldn't have lost control but Jacob was asking for a major ass whooping. I had honoured our deal and he hadn't kept his word. I had slept with him and I was still trapped in La Push because he didn't want to take back the alpha command. Of course that a small voice in the back of my head kept saying that I hadn't slept with him because I wanted to leave the Reservation; I had done it because I still loved him and I wasn't strong enough to say "no".

Anyways I felt betrayed so I slapped him hard across the face and the asshole had the nerve to grin at me and tell me I looked hot when I was mad. I lost it and I almost phased inside of his house. I was so mad at him that we ended up fighting in our wolf's forms outside his house. Because I was completely out of control, we smashed a part of the shed he likes to call a garage and some of the material jumped and landed on the car that was arriving.

Billy was hit by the broken glasses and had to be taken to the Hospital to get a few stitches. Charlie wasn't injured but I couldn't say the same about his patrol's car. It took Embry, Quil and Seth to take me off of Jacob and he too ended up with a few broken bones, but he deserved it.

"You're in deep troubles sis." Seth said joining me on the porch.

"I know that genius. Thank you very much."

"How are you going to pay for Charlie's car? And Billy's hospital bill?"

"I'll manage."

I couldn't even think about what could've happened if Seth and the others hadn't reached us on time.

"You're lucky that Charlie is a family friend and he'll cover for you."

"I don't need anyone to cover for me, alright?"

Yes, I was majorly pissed off but I had every right to be mad. I had been lied to, betrayed, fooled and fucked, not by this particular order, but all things by Jacob fucking Black.

"You need to calm down. Do you want me to call Billy's place to ask how Jake's doing?"

"I hope he's dead."

"No, you don't."

I glared at my brother.

"Okay…maybe you do. But I know you're sorry about hurting him."

"A few broken bones won't take long to heal. He's a wolf, remember?"

"I'm not talking about that…"

"Seriously Seth, you don't want to discuss that with me right now."

"Actually, I already know everything."

"Believe me, you don't."

"I do. You two broke up, Jake told you he still loved you but as usual you told him to forget about you because of his imprint. You're afraid that he will hurt you like Sam did if Nessie gets back with the Cullens."

"Seth…Just leave it."

"I know you believe that Jacob won't be able to resist the pull and he'll break your heart again, but how can you know that if you don't even give him a chance?"

"You don't know what you're saying, okay?"

"I've been in his head, Leah. He's completely and madly in love with you. I don't remember his feelings being so intense…not even for Bella. Jacob won't give you up."

"He doesn't love me Seth! He was toying with me, alright?" I yelled at my brother.

"What?"

"He told me face to face, yesterday. He wanted to get laid and he thought I was an easy fuck. I mean why not? Leah is a bitch and she clearly has a thing for alphas, so…he took his chance and I was stupid enough to believe he had feelings for me."

"He does."

"Stop saying that, Seth! He came here yesterday and told me he would take his alpha command back and let me leave La Push if I slept with him! What do you think about that? Is that something you do when you like a girl?"

"He had to do something, Leah. You didn't give him a choice."

I opened my eyes in shock. Seth knew all about it. My own brother knew about Jake's proposition.

"You knew?"

"Look…you slept with him before."

"Once, damn it! Once!"

"It doesn't matter how many times. He still loves you. When you broke up with him he was devastated. He put on a happy face for his birthday but after that, Quil, Embry and I have been trying to pick up the pieces and it's not a pretty sight, you know?"

"It's hard for me too."

"You got drunk once and then you just buried yourself in work…but Jacob. God…he was a mess. So we told him he should try one last time."

"This was your idea?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course not. We told him to speak to you and use all he had, but the plan was all him."

"I can't believe this shit. I was expecting this from a lot of people but not from my own brother."

"Leah…You know I love you, right? I want you to be happy and I want you to stay with us, with your family, but right now you're not being rational."

"I'll give you rational." I went home and forced the door of my father's old closet. He kept his gun locked in there.

"What the hell?" Seth got out of my way.

"I'm going to kill him!" I half yelled leaving my house again and following the road that would lead me to Jacob's house. Too bad my mother had taken the damn car.

"Leah!" Seth called after me. "You can't do that."

"Why not?" I turned around. "He came to our house and told me I wasn't good enough for him. He told me I was a freak and no one would ever love me. He said he wanted to wait for his soul mate to grow up and offered my freedom in return of sexual favours. What kind of a guy does that?"

"A desperate one." Seth whispered. "And in case you didn't notice, he was lying. He faced Sam, Aaron, his own imprint and the Council for you. Can't you just forgive him?"

"Forgive him?"

"Look…the sex thing, although I'm sure I'm going to find it gross to watch it in your memories, wasn't such a big deal, right? You like each other and he didn't force you. You need to fix this Leah before this thing drives us all insane."

Okay, maybe Seth was right about not being fair on the rest of them. I mean Quil, Embry and my little brother were taking all the shit we were throwing at them and were definitely risking their sanity by being involved in our personal problems. We had guaranteed them that our relationship wouldn't affect the pack but on the contrary things were getting out of hand.

The "sex thing", as my brother called it, wasn't all that important and I had to admit that because now that I knew Jacob had lied about not having feelings for me, I knew that what we had done wasn't just sex, it was more than that. There was no point trying to deny it. I had been with him because I had wanted to. No one forced me.

But now I was mad because Jacob just didn't know when to give up. By insisting on an already condemned relationship, he was just dragging our own suffering and I was sick and tired of feeling the pain. I had to put an end on everything right now.

So I turned my back on Seth and kept walking, carrying my father's gun. As I approached the small red house, I realised Billy and Rachel were probably still at the Hospital and Paul was in the living room watching TV.

The look on Paul's face when he saw me walking inside with a shotgun on my right hand was priceless.

"What the fuck Clearwater…Where are you going?" He asked with both arms up.

"Jacob's room. If you want to stay alive get out of my way."

"Leah…Give me the gun." Seth begged me. "You can kill him with your bare hands, if you want to."

The kid was smart and knew I had my pride. If I could kill Jake with my hands, why would I use a gun? Not that I was actually going to kill Jacob. I needed bullets for that and I was sure that the gun wasn't loaded.

"Fine." I put the shotgun on the couch and watched as Paul and Seth sighed in relief. "If you value your lives don't come inside this room." I warned.

I closed the door behind me and faced Jacob who was lying in his bed surrounded by bloody bandages. After letting my brother calm me down, I had left home to shower and put some decent clothes on and I hadn't realised Jacob's condition. Now that I was finally meeting him after the fight, I could see all the injuries I had caused him.

"You're the most annoying and stupid guy I have ever met." I said.

He opened his brown eyes and smiled.

"Plus you're the biggest asshole in this damn Reservation." I added crossing my arms over my chest.

"I thought Sam was the biggest asshole in the Reservation." He said calmly.

"I guess you just overthrown him."

"Are you worried about me? Is that why you're here?" I noticed hope in his voice.

"Actually I'm here to finish the job."

"Don't bother. I'm already dead."

His statement surprised me and our eyes met.

"I'm dead on the inside, Leah." He explained.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you so melodramatic?"

"You know what I'm talking about. I'm feeling guilty about what I said and what I did yesterday. I'm not regretting what we done earlier but it wasn't supposed to happen that way. I was going to tell you the truth when you arrived but then you kissed me and I was…"

"You're an idiot, Jake." I cut him off. "We don't have to do this to each other. You just need to face the truth."

"The truth is that I love you."

After hearing those words my anger slowly dissipated.

"I love you too." I admitted. "But we can't be together."

We stared at each other for a while. I could hear Seth and Paul whispering outside but I didn't understand what they were saying.

"Can't you see you're doing a big mistake?" Jacob asked.

"My only mistake was to fall in love with you. When it was Sam…it was out of our control. None of us knew about the imprint, but you…I don't know what the hell I was thinking."

"You saw a chance to be happy with me, Leah. You know I'm fighting against the imprint."

"I know that but that doesn't change anything. I'm sorry."

"You still love me. I could feel it when we were together. I don't understand why you're giving up."

"Because I've been hurting for too long now Jacob…Can't you see? We'll be happy for a while and then after you see her again, it'll be over."

"It doesn't have to be over."

"I don't share, Jake."

"You don't have to. I don't love Nessie that way."

"Stop saying that…please."

"I don't! Can't you see?" Jacob tried to get up but he was too weak. His bones weren't healed yet.

"When I think about letting you go I feel like dying. If Nessie is my real soul mate, why didn't I feel like that when she left? I've been coping well enough without her, but every time you tell me you're leaving me…I can't breathe properly. I need you Leah. Please."

"You don't need me. You never did and you never will. If you do this, if you keep on trying to make me stay, it will only hurt me more."

I felt the tears coming out of my eyes but I didn't mind. I needed to let everything out of my system.

"What about me?"

"You'll forget eventually. In a couple of years you'll be happy again. You'll have your happy ending with Nessie. You'll announce your wedding, you'll get married and have kids. I can't be here when that happens, Jake. I can't…and I don't want to be the bitter bitch anymore."

"Even if I end up with Renesmee, I'll always love you."

"You won't say that when you see her again. She'll be beautiful, flawless…the perfect match for you. One day you'll see the pictures of your wedding day, with her beside you in a lovely and expensive white dress and you'll ask yourself how in the world, you thought that Leah Clearwater could be worthy of you when fate had already chosen Nessie to be yours?"

Jacob looked at me and he finally managed to stand up.

"I need you to let me go, Jacob. This is killing me…I can't stay here. I need to stay away from this place and from you. Please take back the alpha command." I begged.

"Ask anything but that." He said in a sad voice. "I'm not strong enough to let you go. I need to feel you close."

"Can't you see you're making things worse?" My anger was back again. "I'm sick of explaining it to you…"

"I know!" He yelled. "And I'm sick of your lack of trust and your stubbornness and I'm also sick of people telling me Nessie is my soul mate and all that crap!"

"You wanted this! You wanted a happy ending. Fate couldn't give you Bella, so you got Nessie instead. Be happy…you're going to stay with Bella and your bloodsucking friends forever." I said acidly.

"Is that really what you want?"

"Yes, damn it! That's what everyone wants. You have a chance to be happy. Why waste it like this? With me?"

"Leah…"

"I'll manage. I mean it's not the first time someone dumps me, is it? I'll survive."

"But I…"

"Shut up, Jacob! Just accept it. Do the right thing for you. Have you any idea of how many people are counting on you? Your father, the Council, your pack, the Cullens…You need to stay with Nessie, okay?"

"I need to stay with Nessie…"

"Exactly."

"You want me to stay with Nessie." He wasn't asking.

"Yes." I lied.

"You won't change your mind, will you?"

I shook my head negatively.

"I love you so much that I'm willing to let you go. I need you to do the same." I said.

"Then I will. If that makes you feel better, I'll try to get you out of my mind and my heart, but I need some time. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Are you going back to Aaron?"

"I don't think so. He probably wouldn't take me back."

"But you're leaving La Push for good, right?"

"Most likely."

"Okay…As soon as I'll recover I'll take back the alpha command."

"Can't you do it now?"

"I need to accept this…accept that you're leaving and that it's over. Please Leah…it's just a couple of days."

"Okay. I guess that's fair."

"Can I…kiss you one last time?"

I should've said no but this was probably the last time we would see each other so I walked towards him and captured his lips with mine. I tried not to put too many emotions in the kiss but he made it impossible for me to act emotionless. That was probably the sweetest, most genuine and true kiss I had ever experienced.

I was running out of air when his lips left mine. I felt suddenly cold. I was going to miss his warmth and his touch.

Jacob kept his forehead on mine and held me close to him. My right hand was placed over his heart and I could almost feel it breaking.

"Tell Billy I'm sorry about hurting him earlier." I whispered.

"Do you regret it? Do you regret what happened between us?"

"No. I regret not being strong enough to stop it before we could get hurt. I shouldn't have encouraged you to pursue me."

"It wasn't your fault."

"It was. I chose to send Aaron away, I chose to be stupid and give it a try when I knew you weren't meant to be with me in the first place."

I pushed him slowly and he finally let go of me.

"Thank you, Jake…for trying."

I left his room and his house as fast as I could. I heard Seth calling me but I didn't stop. I didn't know what I was running from but I knew I couldn't stay there anymore. I couldn't bear Jacob's memories, his scent, his touch, his words, his love.

I found refuge in a place I didn't visit since a long time ago. After my father's death I had only been in the graveyard once, right before the Volturi came to Forks. I thought I wouldn't come back home alive and I wanted to ask for my father's forgiveness for being such a bad daughter.

Right now this was the only place I wanted to be. After all it did feel like I was dying from all the pain and there I would be surrounded by death everywhere. I stayed in front of my father's grave a long time before I knew what to tell him.

"I tried dad. I really did." I whispered into the wind. "I even managed to forget about Sam and what he did to me. I thought it was different, I thought I could be happy. I was wrong. I don't deserve Jacob…" My words died when I said his name. I wondered what my father would say about me being in love with Billy's son.

"He's a great person, dad. Honestly. Better than Sam. He actually tried to break the imprint for me and he's hurting as much as I am. He doesn't understand I'm doing this for his own good."

"Are you?" A familiar voice spoke behind me.

I turned to see Emily standing there with some flowers that she put on my father's grave.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"Seth's worried about you. He said you left Billy's house hours ago and didn't say where you were going."

I hadn't realised I had been there for so long.

"He sent you?" I asked in disbelief. I mean I would never think my brother would send Emily Uley to find me.

"No. I had a feeling you'd be here, that's all."

"Well you can go tell Seth I'm fine."

"Harry was my uncle. I want to pay my respects to him."

"Fine."

Emily stood next to me and whispered a small prayer to honour my dad's memory.

"So…are you really trying to protect Jacob by leaving him?" She asked me.

"Yes."

"You're not running away because you're too scared he'll become Sam?"

I shrugged. I already knew Jacob would be just like Sam.

"He never liked to be compared to Sam, do you know that?"

I nodded.

"He isn't Sam, by the way."

"I know that." I said.

"But you don't seem to care."

"Jacob is not Sam but he'll leave me for Renesmee Cullen anyways. Just like Sam dumped me."

"That was different, Leah. You surely know that. I didn't mean to hurt you and neither did Sam. It was unexpected and neither of us had a choice."

"I heard all of that before, Emily."

"Jacob sent her away."

"He didn't send her anywhere. He allowed her to go because it made her happy. She wanted to travel."

"He could've gone too."

"Yeah…I guess he could but…"

"But he chose to stay with you."

"That's your opinion and I would like to remind you that you're still the romantic little girl from our childhood. I know you think Jake loves me and maybe you're right but that won't be forever. I'll never have the bond you have with Sam. I'm not that lucky, am I?"

"I don't see things like that, Leah."

"Of course you don't. You got the man of your dreams, you're having a baby and you'll be happy ever after. I'm just a freak of nature. I'm condemned to spend the rest of my life alone. I can't even have a family of my own."

"I think there's a reason why you're a wolf Leah. Why from all the girls in this Reservation you were the only one to turn into a protector."

"I know that too, Emily. Because my dad had the gene and because fate hates me."

"No. You're a protector because you're the only girl I know that's strong enough to cope with the job."

I looked up to Emily surprised by her words. Was she really being honest?

"Who else would be as strong and brave as my cousin? Who else could manage to be in her ex-boyfriend's pack under his orders and still have the job done? Who could handle being called a bitch and a harpy and still protect everyone without backing down? Who could have the courage to leave Sam's pack and join Jacob Black to protect vampires? Who could face the Council and the whole Reservation for love? Only you could do that Leah. And you think you don't deserve Jacob? You're mistaken…You deserve him more than Renesmee Cullen ever will."

"I don't think you're getting the picture Emily."

"I am getting the picture. You fell in love with an imprinted wolf and you're scared because you already faced a painful heartbreak, but you can't keep running away from happiness, Leah."

"Right…Because I totally have a chance to have the perfect life like you have…" I said ironically.

"You do. If you keep fighting."

"I'm a failure, Emily. I'm not a good daughter, I'm not a good sister, I'm not a good beta, I'm certainly not a good girlfriend and I'll never be a mother." I half yelled.

"Because you're giving up without a fight. I know what Sam told you, I know what the Council thinks, especially aunt Sue and Billy but I also know they're wrong and if you think that breaking up with Jacob will change anything you're mistaken."

"You don't know anything about this, Emily."

"I do. More than you think."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Do you think I don't know that Sam still has feelings for you? Do you think he would forget about you just like that?"

"Sam left me. He loves you…You're his imprint."

"I'm his imprint but I wasn't his first love, Leah. It was you and he's having a hard time letting you go. That's why he told you to break up with Jacob, that's why he said all those things…he can't stand to see you with another person, someone he thinks will cause you more pain."

"He's right. My relationship with Jacob would never work out."

"No…He just wants Jake to be like him."

"You say it as if it's a bad thing."

"It is. He thinks that Jacob won't be able to resist the imprint for too long. Actually he wants Jacob to submit to the imprint because that's the only way he has to believe that he did the right thing when he left you. Sam needs to justify himself for what he done to you. He thinks that if he couldn't fight the imprint no one can."

"I don't care. Sam left me and Jacob will too. That's why I had to end this. It's better for Jacob to be with Nessie."

"You think you're not worth it. You think you're not enough…"

"I'm sure I'm not enough, Emily. My love will never be enough."

"You're wrong. I could see it in Jacob's eyes everytime he looked at you. He imprinted on Bella's child but he still fell in love with you. That must mean something."

"Whatever. Soon this will be just a distant memory. Soon I'll be gone and away from this place for good. I should've never come back."

I turned around to go home. Our conversation wasn't going anywhere. She was just trying to convince me to stay with Jacob because she wanted me out of Sam's life for good. I would happily abide to her wishes as soon as Jacob freed me from the alpha command.

"Sam wasn't able to fight for the imprint but Jake is. Why can't you give him a chance?"

"Stop trying to convince me that he's worth it. Stop trying to change my mind."

" Jacob loves you more than he loves Bella's daughter."

"I'm sick of this!" I exploded. "I don't need your pity or your help! Just drop it!"

What was it with people today? Why did they have to insist on the subject? I just wanted to be left alone and people kept trying to make me admit that I still loved Jacob Black and that I should go back to him. I knew better than anyone that I was in love with him and I knew I was wasting my last chance of being happy, but this was inevitable. I really didn't want to lash out at people anymore but I was getting angrier again and Emily's speech was getting on my nerves.

"Do you know what Jacob told Sam when they fought because of you?" Emily asked and I faced her one last time.

"I don't care."

"He said that Renesmee Cullen was his reason for living…"

"See? There you go, Emily…Imprints always come first, end of story."

"But you were his reason for dying." She finished.

I was confused.

"He would die for you Leah. That's how much he loves you."

Jacob would die for me. Not even Sam, the man I thought I would love forever, had ever said something like that about me. I felt my eyes getting wet and a tear rolled down my face. Had I really done the right choice?

"I guess the question now is: how much do you love him?" Emily stated and looked at me intensively, waiting for my answer.


	6. Denial

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Unfortunately she gave Leah and Jake the worst ending ever.

Author/Note 1: This story is rated T but some chapters can be rated M for inappropriate language and sexual content (but not too explicit).

A/Note 2: I'm not a native English speaker so I'm sorry for my grammar and spelling.

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed so far and also to the ones who may review later.

**The five stages of Grief [Reversed] by Leah Clearwater**

_**5. Denial**_

I remember the day he left us. It was three months ago and we had broke up two days before he decided to leave the Reservation and join the Cullens and his imprint. I couldn't blame him. I had told him we had no future, I had told him I didn't want him anymore and he should wait for Nessie to grow up.

It shouldn't have caused me any pain to know that he had finally made his final decision. One way or another I always knew he would end up choosing her but it still hurt like hell.

I was at home thinking about the conversation I had with my cousin at the graveyard. I was wondering if I was a coward running away from the only good thing I had left in my life when Seth arrived. He told me that Jacob was gone and had left me in charge of the pack.

My brother read me a small letter Jacob had left for us saying that he didn't know when he was coming back and that if I didn't want to assume the alpha position, Seth should stay in my place. He also freed me from his alpha command but as I later realised when I tried to pass the border to Canada, a letter couldn't remove an order which meant I was still stuck there.

I coped with his departure as well as I could. At first I didn't want to assume my pack's leadership so I let Seth take over. It looked like my baby brother was also a natural leader, I was really proud of him but I ended up assuming Jacob's position as alpha because I needed to occupy my free time plus my mother was always on my case, trying to get me to go out some more because she thought I was depressed. I wasn't depressed at all. I was in denial. That was the only way for me to deal with this situation.

I tried to erase his memory from my mind and never pronounced his name out loud. I kept pretending that my relationship with Jake had been a moment of vulnerability in my life.

It wasn't easy for me to know that in the end I had been the one pushing him into Nessie's arms. If it was me leaving the Reservation would be much easier to accept that everything was over but to know that he had gone to join his imprint made it too hard to bear.

I thought that I would forget about him eventually. I was certain that the next time we'd meet he would be happily married and have a couple of kids so I forced my mind to deny that I had once loved him. But I guess the way I was acting draw some attention.

"Honey, you can't keep doing this to yourself anymore." My mother's voice reached me.

I was cleaning the dishes after our dinner with Charlie Swan. Clearly my mum had moved on. Charlie was a good guy and as long as my mother was happy I didn't care about them being together but that didn't mean I had to start dating again just because everyone thought I had to move on too.

"It's okay mum…I like to clean."

"Charlie noticed it."

"What are you talking about?" I pretended not to understand where she was going with that conversation.

"You look like a zombie, honey. He said you remind him of Bella when Edward left her."

"Nice, I really like to be compared to a fucking bloodsucker." I whispered.

"Leah…"

"I'm fine mum. I've been working hard, I patrol with Seth, I protect the Reservation, I help you taking care of the house, and I'm even studying at night, what more do you want from me?"

"I want you to be yourself. You've changed since he's gone."

"Everybody changes mum and I thought you'd be happy."

"Happy? You act like a damn zombie, Leah. It would be easier for me if you just cried like you did when it was Sam…At least I would know how you're feeling."

"I'm fine." I stated. I had no more tears left.

"No, you're not. You're pretending to be okay. I can't see you like this anymore. It's been three months…you don't smile anymore, you don't laugh, you don't go out with your friends, you don't care about anything…"

I sighed deeply. I didn't want to talk about that because I knew it would cause me pain.

"Mum, you know I don't have many friends besides the pack. Besides what reasons do I have to smile?" I asked.

"You're alive and you have a family who loves you. Seth's worried, I'm worried, Emily's worried…"

"I'm moving on, okay?"

"Moving on? You're stuck Leah. When he left I was sure you'd lash out and you'd scream at other people, but this is worse. You're just an empty shell. You don't react anymore."

"So what? What's wrong with that? I'm trying to be nice, alright?"

"You've built a wall around you, honey and you don't let anyone in."

I smiled saddly to myself. I had done the same when Sam broke my heart. I had promised myself I wouldn't love anyone else ever again. I had built a wall back then too. A wall that crumbled down when I gave my heart to my alpha. I had let him in and now I was hurting again. This time I was going to be more cautius. I was closing the door and throwing out the key.

"I did everything you wanted me to. I broke up with him, I made him go away to his imprint, I'm trying to move on…Why are you doing this to me, mum? Why are you insisting?"

"Because you're not my Leah anymore. If I'd known you loved Jacob so much I would've accepted it…"

"Really?" I asked ironically.

"Yes."

"What about his responsibilities towards the pack? Billy wants grandchildren." I said. "Look mum, even if you'd accept us it wouldn't change anything. He imprinted on Nessie for a reason and I'm not even sure if we really loved each other."

"What are you talking about? If you don't love him, why can't you go forward? Why are you acting as if you're just a damn robot?"

"Because it's easier this way!" I half yelled. "Now just drop it!"

I left to my room. I couldn't talk about Jacob anymore. I was trying to deny my feelings for him for three months already and I thought I was succeeding. I hadn't forgotten his scent or his touch but I my tears had dried and I was finally accepting a life without him around.

xxxxxxxxxx

I parked my car outside Charlie's house and he opened the front door and waited for me there. I still owed him money to pay for his patrol's car that I had ruined a few months ago.

"My mum said you wanted to speak to me…" I said sitting on his couch.

"I'm sorry for this Leah, but I was asked to call you."

Charlie looked at me as if begging for my forgiveness and then I felt a familiar stench approaching.

"They're back." I whispered getting up. I really thought Charlie wanted to talk to me about the money I owed him or about his relationship with my mother but it wasn't the case. It had nothing to do with that. This was about them...the Cullens.

"I'll be outside." He said. "I'm really sorry, Leah. I never meant to lie to you."

When Charlie closed the door behind him Bella and her daughter entered the room.

"Please don't blame my father. I asked him to call you." Bella said.

My eyes were stuck on the beautiful child standing next to Bella. She was still young but now she looked like an eight year old girl with beautiful bronze hair like Edward's and her mother's brown eyes. Nessie smiled at me and passed through Bella to sit down on the couch.

"You wouldn't come if we asked you, would you?" She asked timidly.

"Probably not." I said. I found it very hard to lie to a child even if she was Jacob's imprint and half of the thing I was born to kill.

"Where's the mind rapist?" I asked.

"With the others…at home."

"So you're back." I stated. I wasn't expecting them to come to Forks again so soon. I thought that they would only come back after Nessie stopped aging and Jacob proposed to her. I knew Jake would want to get married in La Push.

I seriously needed to get out of the Reservation. I wasn't ready to see Jacob right now. Maybe I could convince Bella or Nessie to call him and ask him to take back the alpha command since the letter hadn't worked.

"We were forced to come back." Bella explained. "Nessie wanted to speak to you personally."

"Really? Why?" I asked confused.

Bella sighed.

"It has to do with Jake."

"Mum, can you please let me talk to Leah in private?"

"Sure. I'll be cleaning the kitchen. Charlie should hire a maid…that kitchen is filthy."

Bella left us and I had the feeling what Nessie wanted to talk to me about. I was inclined to think that she was there ordered by Jacob.

"I was really happy when Jacob joined us six months ago." She said playing with her long hair.

"Good for you Nessie." I stated. "I'm sure he was happy to see you too." I wasn't going to play his games. I was going to show everyone I was fine.

"He was happy too…at least at first but after a while it was like he was slowly dying. Do you know my mother used to say that Jake was as bright and warm as the sun?"

"Yes, I know." I said emotionless.

"I knew he wasn't alright because his smile wasn't warm anymore. Jacob stopped shining."

My eyes left hers and Nessie put her hands together and spoke with a serious tone of voice.

"He's my best friend. He protected me when I was still inside my mother's womb. He didn't let anyone hurt me even knowing I was killing my mum and I was his enemy's child. Jacob is the strongest and generous person I met and I love him."

"I'm sure he loves you too, Nessie. I really need to go now."

"I'm not over yet." She said firmly. "Do you know how hard it is to watch Jacob suffer? I'm his imprint…His soul mate…and I couldn't do anything to make the pain go away."

"I'm sorry to know that."

"Are you? You caused him that pain, Leah. He was so sad, so desperate and vulnerable."

"I never meant to hurt him like that."

"Then why did you?"

"Because…he was meant to be with you."

"But he is with me. Even when we're apart. Jacob allowed me to be born safely. That's our connection. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him, you and Seth. But that doesn't mean we'll end up together."

"Nessie, you're still too young. You don't know anything about life yet."

"Nessie knows more than you think Leah." Bella's voice came from the kitchen and a few seconds later she joined us.

"Mum…I wanted to speak to Leah alone." The girl whined.

"I know honey, but let me just clear a few things for her, okay?"

Nessie smiled at Bella and nodded.

"Leah, when I told my daughter about the imprint she told me Jake was her best friend, her hero but she didn't mind if he loved someone else. I guess Nessie realised Jacob was in love with you sooner than the rest of us."

"Do you remember when you asked him permission to leave La Push?" Nessie asked.

"Yes."

"He said he would never force you to stay, didn't he?" She smiled.

"Yes, he did. I remember that day. He told me I should go and try to be happy."

"He didn't want you to go." She stated suddenly.

"But he told me to go." I opposed.

"Because he didn't want you to hate him and he didn't know about his feelings for you yet." Nessie explained.

"Look, I understand you're disappointed that things between us didn't work out but relationships between people come and go. I'm sure your mum knows this."

"I do." Bella confirmed. "And I'm still shocked that he fell in love with you. I'm not going to lie to you Leah…You were the last person I wanted to stay with Jake. Call me selfish, call me a hypocrite but your past speaks for itself and I always thought you'd never stop loving Sam Uley. I always thought Jacob would love my daughter and it was hard for me to accept that he was trying to break the imprint for you. I was hoping you'd never respond to his feelings but you did and now..."

"I don't love Ja…him anymore." I cut her off.

"Is that why you can't even speak his name?" Bella teased. "I used to do the same when Edward left me."

"Bella…let's just stop here, okay? I don't want to have this conversation. Everything was fine until you arrived."

"So you're not happy to see us?" Nessie asked with a sad look.

"I didn't say that kid. I just wasn't expecting you to come here."

"We had to. To watch Jake hurting like this is depressing. Edward is going insane and Jasper can't be in the same room as Jacob. We're worried about him. He doesn't phase to patrol anymore, it looks like he disconnected himself from life." Bella said. Her eyes told me she was being sincere.

"As soon as Nessie grows up, he'll fall in love with her and everything will be fine."

"You're not okay either." Nessie stated. "Grandpa Charlie told us."

Damn Charlie and his big mouth.

"I'm fine. I've been in the same situation before, remember? It's no big deal. To be honest I don't know why you're here. I can't help you."

"Actually we're here to help you, Leah." Bella said.

"Mum! I want to be the one telling her." Nessie said with a frown.

I was confused. What more did they have to tell me?

"Fine." Bella said. "You can tell her."

"Help me? What do you mean you're here to help me? I don't need any help."

"Mum told me about Sam and Emily." Nessie started. "She told me Sam was your boyfriend and you loved him very much."

"That was a long time ago."

"She also told me he imprinted on Emily and left you."

"She was curious. I'm sorry." Bella apologised.

I shrugged. What had happened between me, Sam and my cousin didn't matter anymore. At least not to me.

"You're afraid that Jake will leave you too." Nessie said.

"I'm not afraid anymore, Nessie. I've accepted my fate. You're his soul mate. I would never be good enough for him besides I don't love him. I probably never did." I lied again.

Nessie laughed.

"Daddy said you'd say that. He said you'd deny everything because that makes you feel in control. He also said you'd be lying."

Fucking mind rapist. I took a few steps back towards the door.

"Wait." Bella said. "Nessie needs to tell you something very important."

"You're not enough for Jacob, Leah. You're perfect for him."

The little girl's words made the tears run freely down my face because it felt like they were mocking me.

"Did he send you?" I asked clenching my fists.

"No, Jake has nothing to do with this. He doesn't even know we're here." Bella said.

"So this is your idea of having some fun?" I asked now with a hint of anger in my voice. "Let's fuck with Leah's life a bit more now that she's trying to forget about him. Let's show her she's just a piece of crap we can step on and see her suffer."

"Carlisle said no one knows what an imprint is. The Quileutes think it's all about finding the best partner to have children. A soul mate. But maybe it doesn't work like that for everyone and I'm sure it's not like that for Jake." Bella said.

"Because your daughter is still a child, damn it." I insisted. "She'll grow up and they will fall in love."

"No, aunt Alice saw the future, my future and Jacob wasn't in it. I mean not like that."

"Come on…do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Alice's visions are always right." Bella said. "She saw Nessie's wedding day. She wasn't getting married to Jacob, she's was marrying Nahuel."

I was stunned for a while. I didn't even remember who the hell Nahuel was.

"He's half-vampire, half-human too." Bella said realising I was a bit lost. "Alice is sure about this. She said she even saw herself organising the wedding."

"Okay…I'm happy for Nessie and Nahuel, whoever he is…but that doesn't mean anything. I'm still not good enough for him."

"Why not? Because you think you can't have children?" Bella asked.

"Amongst other things, yeah."

"Alice saw children in her vision too." Bella announced smiling. "Sam and Emily's son was there and so was Kim and Jared's little boy. Alice believes she saw Jacob's daughter too."

"She said she looked like Jacob but had your eyes." Nessie stated.

To say that I was shocked was an understatement. If they were joking that was really cruel.

"I'm barren, Bella. I'm frozen, remember?"

"I guess that will change soon."

"I can't base my life on Alice's visions. She said the future can change. It all depends on ones decisions."

"You won't stop loving Jacob and he is anywhere near forgetting about you." Bella stated. "It's really annoying to listen to him talking about you."

"I don't love him." I said trying to sound convincing enough to make them shut up.

"I understand you are afraid to give in and be heartbroken again. After what happened with Sam you have every right to feel like that but…now you don't have any excuse to run away from Jacob anymore." Bella whispered. "After what Alice saw, you have to accept that Jacob was right about you two. You're meant to have his child."

"Please, Leah. Make Jacob happy again." Nessie begged. "Please."

"I'm sorry, but I can't. As far as I can tell you planned this to try to convince me to accept him back. And even if the pixie really saw that, the future isn't set into stone. Everything can change. The child she saw can't be mine."

I turned around and that's when Nessie grabbed one of my hands. Being the daughter of two vampires with powers, it was only natural that she would be different too. Nessie could show her thoughts to us by touch and in that moment she showed me Alice's vision. I didn't pay any attention to a grown up Nessie and her fiancé. My mind only registered the little girl that stood between a small version of Sam and a small version of Jared.

The little girl was beautiful and she was the split image of Jacob. She had his black hair and his sweet smile. She looked around three years old and when I noticed her eyes I almost cried. She had my eyes. Nessie and Bella weren't lying or making fun of me. She was indeed my daughter.

"Where is he?" I asked when Nessie's small hand left mine. They both smiled widely knowing that they had finally convinced me.

"We actually don't know where he is now but you're a wolf, aren't you?" Bella asked.

I grinned. She was right. I could find him on my own. I didn't say goodbye to them or even Charlie. I wanted to find Jacob as fast as I could. I didn't know what to tell him but I had to see him. I drove back to La Push and leaving the car near my house I got out and ran into the woods, exploding on my clothes and running through the forest.

He wasn't phased, otherwise I would hear his thoughts. I inhaled the fresh air and noticed that two leeches were close by. After a while I heard Edward and Emmett talking. I approached them and Edward told me Jacob had gone south, to the cliffs.

"Finally they're getting laid. God I couldn't stand Jacob's bad mood anymore." Emmett complained.

"Good luck." Edward said and waved at me.

"Come on Edward, the mutt is moping around like a lost puppy…I'm sure she won't need luck." Emmett laughed.

I left them behind and followed Jacob's scent. I did find him at the cliffs, sitting down on the rocks. Then I realised I didn't have any clothes with me which meant I would have to face him completely naked.

I phased back behind a tree and I walked towards him. I knew he had already noticed I was there.

"I need to borrow your shirt." I said before he could turn around.

Now that was a really nice way to start a conversation, wasn't it? Jacob pulled his red shirt off and threw it above his head. I put it on quickly and then he faced me.

We hadn't seen each other for six months. Six long and painful months.

"You look tired." I said.

"I never thought I would find you here. I left a letter saying that you could leave the Reservation."

"Words in a paper don't count but it doesn't matter."

"You look good."

"Why? Because I'm half naked and wearing your shirt?"

"No…" He blushed. "No…I meant…You moved on."

"What makes you say that?"

"The smile on your face. Plus I run into Sam. He was patrolling. He told me you took the pack's leadership and you still go to work everyday and have a good life…"

"I need to pay the bills, Jake."

"Anyways…it's good to see that you're okay."

"You thought you'd find me crying my eyes out and screaming in pain locked in my bedroom?"

"No. I guess only Sam had the privilege to make you cry." He spat angrily. "I was just a mistake."

"Emmett was right, you're in a bad mood."

"I'm sorry I don't share your happiness."

"Chill out Jacob…"

"Edward is a fucking liar." He mumbled.

"What are you talking about?"

"He said you were trying to deny your feelings for me but that in the end you'd accept that you still love me. That should teach me not to waste my time listening to his advices. I should've never come here…but Nessie said she was missing Charlie."

"You don't know yet?" I asked.

"What?"

"About Alice's visions?"

"Alice saw something?"

I nodded.

"She did."

"And? Is it serious? The Volturi? More vampires?"

"No, just…the future. Nessie's future to be more precise."

"Oh."

"She had a vision about her wedding's day."

"Alice must be seeing too many movies. I don't even love Nessie like that. I mean she's beautiful and she's growing up really fast but marriage is the last thing it comes to my mind. I told her more than once the only woman I would marry is…"

There was a moment of silence between us and then he proceeded cautiously.

"Before you start yelling at me let me just say that I haven't moved on completely, okay? I left La Push to give you space and to try to forget about us but that doesn't mean I succeeded."

I could tell he was being honest and that was one of the things I really loved about him. He never lied to me, not intentionally.

"No, seriously. I didn't want to come here in the first place. I'm sure you're not happy to see me but you know how Nessie is. I have no idea how long I'm staying but if you want to leave the Reservation I'm taking back the alpha command. You're free to go." He said.

Why was he talking nonsense? Couldn't he notice I was actually happy to see him? I realised then I would have to be the one putting this right. I would have to admit that he was right all along.

"You're not marrying Nessie, Jake." I whispered.

Jacob looked at me dumbfounded.

"What? But…I'm her imprint."

"Oh, so you do want to marry her." I said trying not to show my disappointment.

"No, I didn't say that. I'm just surprised. Are you sure about what you're saying?" He asked suspiciously.

He was probably thinking I was joking or playing with him. I couldn't blame him. After all I found it hard to believe in Bella and Nessie when they told me too. If Nessie hadn't shown me I would probably never believed it.

"Stay with me. I've been an idiot, Jake. I thought I could have a life without you…but now I know better."

"What?" He repeated.

"If you still feel anything for me, anything at all, will you give us another chance?"

"If I feel anything for you? Are you kidding me? Did you hear anything I said? I used to dream about this moment."

"I just need to be sure you're not changing your mind."

Jacob moved closer to me and put my right hand over his heart. I felt his skin burning the palm of my hand.

"Can you feel it?" He asked and I nodded. "I hadn't felt it beating since I left you. I told you I wouldn't stop loving you."

I hugged him as tightly as I could.

"I shouldn't have doubted you. I'm sorry."

"So…you still love me? This is not just a scheme to get revenge, is it?" He asked. "Maybe I'm dreaming."

I kissed him passionately. There was no need to deny it anymore. He had never left my heart for the last six months and now that I knew he wasn't meant to marry Nessie and that one day I would be able to give him children, I didn't care about the consequences of being with Jacob anymore.

I would face the entire world just to feel his warmth again. Just to hear him say that he loved me. Just to tell him that I was his.

"I love you, Jacob."

"I love you too." He whispered.

There was nothing more I wanted to do right now than to prove him I was serious and that I wanted him to stay by my side. But I was sure that no words could express the way I was feeling.

I pulled him to the tree line and we lay down watching the sky. I didn't want to go back home because that meant we would have to go different ways. He had to go tell the Cullens that he was staying in La Push and I would have to go tell my mother and brother that I was back with Jacob.

"I missed this…" He said. "The forest, the quiet and steady sound of your heart, your scent." Jacob pulled my body closer to his and I closed my eyes.

"I missed you too."

"So…what made you change your mind about this?"

"Bella and Nessie."

"Seriously? Since when you talk to Bella?"

"They trapped me at Charlie's and I had to listen to them."

"What did they tell you?"

"They told me how miserable you were and that you were driving all of them crazy with your constant whining. They told me you had nightmares and that you called my name in your sleep."

"They did not! That's a lie!" He retorted.

I laughed.

"But you were miserable."

"Just a little bit." He confessed.

I felt his fingers touching my hair and I shivered.

"They planned this, didn't they?" He asked unaware that his touch was sending electric shocks through my body.

"Probably."

"I should've known. I did find it weird when Nessie said she missed grandpa Charlie."

"Poor Nessie. You gave her a really hard time, you know? The least you could do was to pretend to be happy around her. She's your imprint after all."

"But she's not the one I want."

The deep sound of his voice made me look directly at him. His eyes were darker than usual, probably reflecting mine.

We kissed again. This time we actually fought for dominance. It wasn't a sweet and tender kiss anymore, it was urgent and desperate as if we were both trying to prove that this wasn't a dream, that we were finally in each other's arms.

Jacob had never been the patient type and by the intensity of his kisses I knew he wasn't going to stop just because we weren't in the most appropriate place.

"Jake, in case you didn't notice we're in the forest." I said stopping his hands to go lower on my stomach.

"In a deserted forest. There's no one around for miles." He smirked. "I haven't been with you for too long and our houses are crowded right now."

I was used to a bed and walls around us but Jacob knew how to be persuasive and how to override my self control entirely. I let his hands wander around my skin, burning with a new intensity. He too was losing control faster than usual. His breathing was heavy and altered and he was getting frustrated with the shirt I was wearing.

"Jacob…I think we should stop…"

"There's no one around. Trust me."

"I need to tell you something."

"Can't it wait?"

"It's important."

"Lift your body or I'm going to ruin the shirt."

I did what he asked because I would need something to dress to go home.

"You're so damn beautiful, Leah."

I felt my heart melting when his lips touched my neck and went down. Now that I was completely naked on the forest floor with his strong body over mine it was becoming hard to have a coherent thought.

I felt him kicking his cut-offs into the grass and I had to take over otherwise we would stay there for hours. Not that I wouldn't like to spend that time with him but we needed to solve everything properly as soon as possible.

I pushed him as hard as I could and I flipped us over. I could feel his impatience and I knew for sure that he wanted to take me right then and there.

"Jacob, I need to tell you something really important." I said laying on top of him.

"Okay, just hurry up baby."

"Jake…I don't know how to say this but…I think we should wait a little longer before we do this."

"Why?"

"Because…well I might not be as barren as I thought."

Jacob looked at me stunned.

"What?"

"I think I might be able to have kids some day."

"What is that supposed to mean? Do you have your monthly…thing again?"

I nodded negatively.

"Not yet, but according to Alice's visions, I will."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to explain. Alice is the one with the visions."

"So she saw you having kids?"

"No, she saw my kid. My daughter."

"Yours?"

"Yes." I said proudly. "She was beautiful, Jake. She had my eyes…and your smile."

"She's mine? You're going to have my babies?"

I smiled.

"If we don't change our minds in the next few years, I believe I will."

Jacob kissed me and I responded immediately.

"Now we can beat the Council and everyone else who opposed to our relationship. This will show them an imprint bond can be broken by true love. This will show everyone Jacob Black and Leah Clearwater are meant to be together." He stated happily.

Jacob's firm and warm hands went down to my belly again and he touched me softly. Then he kissed my skin there and closed his eyes.

"Jake, I'm not pregnant yet." I said with a smile.

"That can be arranged, Leah." He grinned and I felt myself blush. "I want at least three."

"You're crazy."

"About you." He kissed me passionately and I caved in allowing him to explore every inch of my body and doing the same to his.

While we made love I didn't think about the past, the pain or the fear I had felt. I didn't feel scared anymore. The only thing I knew was that we loved each other and we had won. By looking at him the only thing I could see was a beautiful and happy future together.

We would probably have our ups and downs. We would argue and then make up. We would turn each other's heads but we would always come around and accept our mistakes. I had Jacob's love and he had proved he deserved mine. And that's how the story ends.

The end

* * *

A/Note 3: Let me just tell you that I'm still going through all the stages of Grief since I've started to read Stephenie's books (like two years ago), mainly that piece of crap she called Breaking Dawn. So when I think about it I go all through the four stages in a row: denial, anger (a lots of it, may I add), bargaining followed by a huge depression (and sometimes some nausea too, especially when I think she actually made Jacob imprint with a half-vampire). The last stage I'll never reach, because no one in the world will make me acknowledge that hideous ending. My recovery is going to be slow and painful and I believe I'll end up in a mental institution unless the Breaking Dawn movie changes a few things (namely the imprint mentioned above).

I loved to write this, because it was my way of finding closure. I hope more people start to write Blackwater stories because Jacob and Leah deserve a happy ending (or at least a decent one).

**Special thanks to**: Jacobleah, brankel1, Kei Kat Jones, cryselle, akira m, Jo Harv., She-Wolf Heiress, LissaHuff, o0FLAM3S0o, Geebabey, ASH186, Jada91, cinnamin, roxymari28, teamtorettosupporter and to all the people who put this story on their Favourite/Alerts. Thank you so much.

Take care.


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